I dont get used to it.

heyy.
today we had our photo sessions..
class photo was taken..
hmm.. after the class photo was taken..
i kinda felt down.. and emo ..
i keep a picture of my old class in my file..
a picture of last years 3B1 class.. so nice..
tht feeling.. tht lonely feeling tht i had few months ago..
suddenly came back rushing into me again..
i tried to keep away this feeling..
i tried to ignore it.. but it came back again..
ahhhs.. i just stared at tht picture..
for quite some time.. and kit yee who sits beside me realised.
"thinking bout last time?" she asked.. i just nodded..
and continued staring at the pic.. hmm.. everyone looked so happy..
and carefree.. everything was going well..

the girl who sat beside me in tht class picture..
was once my very best friend for 7 years..
and just pooof* dissapeared into thin air..
not even a word between us two no more..
sad story? yeahh.. we did almost everything together..
we'd be together in school and outside school too..
we seemed so inseparable.. but i guess..
we should learn to expect the unexpected ey?

now tht i'm in this new school.. with new friends..
yesh i do have alot of new friends in school already..
but somehow.. having alot of friends but not having..
a paticular "best" friend in school is a total different thing..
i do hve best friends outside school.. but hey.. u cant deny tht..
ppl in school are the ones who u spend most time with..

everywhere in school.. i see either 2 best friends together..
3 or even a whole group.. these kinda stuff are just so precious..
tht cant be bought with money or all the riches in the world..
sincere friendship tht takes a long time to build strongly..
during recess got groups ask me to eat with em and all..
i did join them.. but somehow.. i still feel so alienated..
so out of the box.. i dont seem to fit..
maybe coz i sumtimes feel like.. i cant connect..
their friendships goes way back. hmm..
so thts why.. i'd rather recess alone everyday in school..
alot of ppl ask me .." hey, hw come recess alone?"
haihs.. i just sat there again today alone during recess..
thinking bout all this thoughts tht kept running through..

so much questions were popping out in my head..
and suddenly this girl.. infront of me.. started talking to me..
this girl whom i've nvr met or talked to before..
haha.. and she was asking me most of the questions..
i've been thinking about over and over..
freaky? hmm.. i was like.. Lord.. ? =.=
it was just so sudden.. and she just suddenly started conversation..

hmmm... i just dont get used to it..
having no one in school whom i can really rely on..
or someone in school whose there to comfort me..
in times of need.. someone to........ sigh.
i really.. couldn't help it. i just felt so sad.. and down..
all of a sudden i felt so alone.. like theres no one around..

i felt like a tiny ant living alone in this big big world..

thats about it.

I'm not fine.