Thursday, October 09, 2014

What Does it mean to Live?

Today I was stuck in the dreadful KL morning traffic jam, struggling to keep my eyes open and then it occurred to me, “Surely there must be more to Life than this”. You wake up at 7am, get stuck in the jam for an hour and a half to get to your office job, leave work for home and get stuck in an even more terrible jam and finally voila! Your day is almost over, and the cycle repeats itself day after day.
How on earth, do people live their lives going through the same old routine for the next 30 years?!

Surely there must be more to Life than this.

I am currently studying and working a 9-5 office job. Sometimes, I feel so exhausted that I feel like I cannot go on another day, juggling everything like this. I was never really an office job, kind of person. Throughout my teenage years, i’ve always tried to avoid getting myself into an office job. I was always a hands-on person, a people person. Not a person who sits in an isolating cubicle where you sit the whole day, with your eyes glued to the laptop. I need to move around, meet people, interact and do something with meaning. Teaching seems like a lovely idea, at this very moment. But reality is often not too kind and we don’t always get to do what our hearts, desire. Not everyone gets the opportunity to do what we love, till the day we die. Why not? Well, i don’t know. Commitments to your family, maybe? Personal limitations?

But isn’t it just sad, that you spend 40 years of your life, doing something that you only do for the sake of surviving? I guess not everyone gets the luxury of Choice, huh? *thatsoundssodepressing* T_T

Surely there must be more to Life than this!

I have been blessed, very blessed indeed, to be able to experience such a “heavenly environment” (as some people say) for my first, proper, office job. There’s nothing wrong with the colleagues, the system, my boss, the CEO. Nothing! Nothing is wrong about this company. They’re all lovely and wonderful people. In fact, I think that being able to experience working with them has been such a pleasant one. Something not many people get to experience for their first office job, or in fact, maybe never. And so, I feel extremely thankful to be in the position that I currently am in.

But, *here comes the ‘but’* haha. But, i guess working in an office job is just not my cup of tea. It really isn’t. That leads me to my next, biggest worry. If an office job is not your cup of tea, how do you plan on working as a lawyer in the very, very near future? :O Sounds ridiculous, CYKM. Of course you’d have to work in an office job. In fact, your working hours would probably no longer be 9-5 and more like 8am-1am. Lol. T_T *here’s where i say “Can I just get married and not work or get married and do something that I am passionate about without worrying about money?”* =(

Sigh. Oh-Mid-Life Crisis.

So, what IS your cup of tea then?

Well, I like art. Making hand craft stuffs. I like planning events. I feel so happy and pleased whenever the event turns out as planned. I like interacting with people, meeting new people. I like dancing. I love kids. I love photography, editing pictures, lighting and all. I love designing and decorating rooms or places. & most of all, i love doing something that has meaning or a purpose behind it. (ie: not just solely to make a profit) ‘Meaning’ could be something as simple as making a kid happy, or making someone’s day. That’s what i like doing and what i want to do above all.
So, what does it mean to Live? To me, merely surviving and living are two totally different things. But many of us live our lives with the goal to survive. Yet again, many of us don’t have the luxury of simply living live, but we’re forced to make decisions and do things in order to survive. To me, to live is to do something worthwhile with my life. To do something that I like and am passionate about.

So why aren’t you doing that then? Why aren’t you Living?

Good question. Why aren’t I? Why am i following the pathway of a law student as though my Life is set to be in this framework and this framework only? Why not get out of that rigid view of how my life would or should plan out? Ever since  A-lvls, the next 6 years of my life had already been planned out.
-1 year and a Half of A-lvls
-3 years of Law School to get my LL.B
-1 year of CLP (God Willing)
-9 Months of Chambering
-Get called to the Bar (God Willing)
-Work in a Law Firm as a Practicing Lawyer

Why? Why must life be like this and like this only? Why do people follow the book of an unknown author just because “This is just how it’s supposed to be.”?

Why do people follow the saying that “Ohh, all these chivalry will only last in the first few years of your relationship. Don’t expect any of this after marriage, especially”. Sounds true, doesn’t it? But that does not necessarily mean that Your relationship WILL turn out like that just because its the norm. Why can’t you strive to be different? To be out and away from the norm? Why do we walk along this busy straight path as though we are all robots and we do not have a choice as to when we should turn right and leave the pathway, I call “ The Norm “? Our lives are free! And we were given a choice as to how to live it! So why should we lead our lives along the lines of a framework set by the world? We are individuals, are we not? And I strongly believe that every single one of us, we’re different and unique in our own special ways. So why should we live our lives with the mindset that “Okay, so this is how it started, this is what is going to happen next, and this is how I will end up.”

SAYS WHO? Says the world? Well build your own world! Because the world will build it too small!

But, i guess, then again, it is always easier said than done. We can never run away from the cold, harsh reality of needing enough money to survive.

#Money over Meaning.
*BIG Sigh*

I have no conclusion or solution as to what any of you, facing my exact same problem should do. In fact, i’m still trying to figure it all out, pondering and wondering. Where do I go from here? Only time will tell.