Friday, February 22, 2013

Stress. So stress.

80 days till my first paper for Finals.

80 DAYS!

And i still feel so far behind. This is.. a shitty feeling.
A very shitty feeling.

And i feel like i've so much to do in such a short time. Sighs. =(
Gotta choreo z dance that i'll be teaching on Sunday.
Was invited to teach in a church..
And gotta achieve a stunt/trick by sunday or else i'll be treating the whole crew to dinner..
And i have to.....
sighs. so many things. feel so tired just thinking about it.

Summore pastor karen just called.. asking me to join them for the Easter Presentation in March. I think, i'll have to pass on this one. Just saw my revision table and it's caraaaaazieeeeeeeee!

i have classes on saturdays from 1-7pm and on SUNDAYS from 10am - 5pm.
And that's just the weekend classes. There are weekday classes as well.
It's that time of the year again. That crazy isolation from the world period.
I have to, if I wanna maintain my grades or get BETTER results than last year. I cannot NOT do well. My second year grades can determine my whole degree's end result.
This is scary.

Oh Life.
Why are you so complicating and difficult?


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Stranger with a Kind Heart.

Today, i experienced a very kind act from a total stranger.
Nothing big.. just a simple act.. but it totally made me smile for sure.

I had to cash in a cheque for my brother and I..
but it was my first time at attempting to do so with an ATM machine..
I stood in front of the ATM machine.. with a lot of thoughts rushing through my mind..
" do i need an ATM card for this? how do i do this? Gosh.. there's someone behind me..nooooooooo i don't wanna make him wait.. feel so dumb.. skljdfsoidjfiowjk... should i just let him go first? u know what..i'll just ask for help.. yes.."

*turns around and looks at him with the 2 cheques in my hand*
" Hi.. I .. i.. i.. i've never... i don't.. .. "

This old bald man with white hair.. just smiled and said.. " Here,come, let me help you.." and he steps forward and starts working his magic. hahahaa..
He taught me slowly and patiently..
He was so nice.. so kind..
I felt so happy because he was being so nice.. and i kept saying 'thank you' like a gazillion times! x)

"Thank you.. i've learnt something new today.. :) "
- Good good.. so next time there may not be an old man here to help you..
"No, next time, i'll be helping someone else instead.. =) "

And he just smiled.. While nodding his head, he shook his index finger up and down and said.. 'That is good.'

I don't know about you, but lil simple acts like these can make my day..
It's a joy to know that kind hearts DO exist despite the corruption this World is now going through..


Saturday, February 16, 2013

Take me not, For Granted.

U know, sometimes i just get so fed up with people forgetting that I too am human and that I too have feelings JUST like any other human beings do.

Yes, i may be nice and fun to tease and kacau..
but that doesn't mean that you can say just about anything to me and it'll be alright with me.

If You Have Nothing Nice To Say, 
Don't Say Anything At All.

Take not for granted, my patience and kindness.
Just because I am patient with you, it doesn't mean that you have the Green Light to hurt my feelings and self-esteem by always teasing me,saying mean things or joking about whatever that concerns me. You'll never know when you're crossing the boundary, hitting sensitive issues/areas.

If you wanna joke, fine. Do NOT..overdo it.
If you wanna tease, fine. Do NOT overdo it.

As long as you know you're limit, good on ya.

BUT IF YOU DON'T, just keep you're mean words to yourself and shut it.
I don't appreciate such hurtful words from people who 'over welcome their stay'.

I too have feelings and I too appreciate being RESPECTED.

You know what else i appreciate? I appreciated being APPRECIATED.
Wanna know one example of how many many people take me for granted?
This is one example of the many others.

You know how i love taking pictures?
Yes, pictures have always played a big role in my life ever since i was a kid. They are memories and I, being a sentimental one, really appreciate things like pictures,videos,letters, etc.
LOADS, of people..always complain about how i take too much pictures, bla bla bla. But whenever they see the pictures up on the internet? They get all excited and happy about it. If you didn't know, I AM VERY particular about my pictures and if it has bad lighting, bad quality, etc, i'd spend hours n hours editing them. I put A LOT of effort into making sure my pictures are of tip top quality /good quality. Because this is what I love and this is what i'm particular about.

So yes, i put in A WHOLE LOT of TIME and EFFORT into my Pictures.
I'm not asking for credits nor am I asking for incentives.
All I ask, is of you guys, to just show me A TINSY BIT ..JUST A BIT.. of appreciation.
I am fed up of being made fun of.. complained about.. not appreciated..
When u guys want me to take nice shots of u, i do so without complaining. BUT .. when I ask u guys to help me take some shots.. u put no heart into it, cincai take.. feel like it's so maa faan.. etc. But when YOU want a good shot, U start emphasizing on how it MUST be EXACTLY how u want it to be, etc.

Fed up fed up fed up.
You don't want memories of whatever is happening or happened? can. No probs.
I won't bother taking pictures of/with you la. simple.
I won't bother bringing my camera.. going through the hassle of charging my batts, uploading the pictures..editing them if necessary.. etc. why bother right?
Don't complain la, when i stop taking pictures for u guys.
Don't complain when i don't bring my camera. ZZZZZZ.
This is the VERY reason why in the begining of the year..or rather last year towards the end of the year i stopped taking so much pictures.. Seriously Couldn't Be Bothered. Seriously. So fed up.

It's like JUST BECAUSE i'm always there does not necessarily mean I WILL be there forever/always. Continue such treatment and I will SURELY disappear one day.


JUST BECAUSE i tell you my secrets,rants,stories, doesn't mean i will always share them with you. Take it for granted and I will refrain any such information from leaking to you.

JUST BECAUSE I love taking pictures and I always bring my camera around doesn't mean i will always be there to take pictures for you or WANT to take pictures with you for tht matter.

JUST BECAUSE I am patient.. open minded.. kind.. nice and fun to tease or 'bully' DOESN'T entitle you to say just about anything to me. I HURT TOO, DAMMIT.

I have a choice, just like everyone else.
Take me for granted and I can choose to shut you out of my Life.
Don't think NEVER. It WILL happen, if i WANT it to.

Who is this blog post for?
= The people in my life, generally. The ones who have been doing all these over and over again.

Know Your Limits.
I'm Human Too.

Monday, February 11, 2013


Hi everyone!
How has your chinese new year been thus far?! =))
I didn't exactly have a good start to my CNY. but all is well now! =)
Been able to spend HEAPS of time with grandma these pass few days..
and i'm just so happy to see some family issues and conflicts being put aside,thrown away or buried this festive season. It makes me happy. =)

I just wanted to share something with you that has made me really happy recently.

I've been meeting quite a few people recently..well, both new and old friends.. but the point is.. they've been encouraging me in ways they cannot see. You see, i go through a lot for my age.. and most of the time, i am the one people come to with their problems.. Because of that, it is difficult for me to go to just about anyone when i'm having my own set of problems because i'm usually the one cheering up and comforting people. And hence, not many people get to play that role in my life because i'm normally the one playing that role to the people in my life.

So how?

Haha. well, i normally go to my best friend of course. But if she's busy.. i'll handle it myself. Yes.. i always somehow, end up advising... well.. Me. LOL. *nohhh im not a creep who talks to myself.................... =X * but anyways, i always give time, time. And whenever i start to get over all the emotional moments.. I somehow always have these really good advises and sayings and what nots coming to me.. to help me get back up on my two feet.. and to continue from where i left off.  Where does this come from? Well, i'd think, from God. =) But anyways, i usually blog about them to remind future me..or to advise future me in whatever future problems i might face.. or post statuses.. tweets.. and wht nots. And guess what? Not knowing untill recently, that these things that i post to help me, have in fact helped so many others to get through their rough patch! :O 

I met this girl recently from church at a party. There was once where Pastor Karen had suddenly spontaneously called me up during church service to give my opinion on prayer i think. About why we should still pray if God already knows everything?
 And i dont know how, but i ended up talking for a good 20 minutes i think. LOL. or 15minutes. But u know what? This girl that i met.. it went like this..

"Hi! i'm ****.. nice to meet you! You're Celine right? "
C : Hey! yeah! i'd u know?! 
"I remember your talk on prayer in church long time ago and it was really good. I've kept what you said with me since that day till now.. I still remember what you said.. :D "

Wow..... i was astonished! I can't exactly describe how i felt at that very moment.. but it meant alot to know that whtever i said had actually impacted at least ONE life in that big congregation. That, is enough for me. =') and this was the start of the many many others who randomly came up to me to tell me that whtever i posted etc, had helped them in many ways. 
My couzie also recently quoted this piece of advise that i gave to her YEARS back..and told me that she held on to it and how it has recently helped her get through a rough patch in her life.

It may seem lil to some of you.. but all these lil things really do mean alot to me. Knowing that my words shared have helped this many people.. u know.. thinking it may help and ACTUALLY KNOWING is quite a big difference. hahaha.
but wow.. yes.. so to all of you who have randomly came up to me recently.. or you know, said a by the way thing to let me knw tht i've helped u in some ways through your rough times.. I just want to say THANK YOU for sharing with me. =') This has in return helped me to get back up and to have my head held up high again.. To continue on from where i left off.. and to just keep moving forward! 

Touched. Blessed. Happy.

Here's another piece of advice for future Me. =P

The truth is, Cykm, Many people will be jealous of your Success. Many will root for your downfall. But dont let this get to you! Because you are a strong..tough cookie. Your whole life, you have chosen to take the negativity people have TRIED to use against you to change make you fall.. to make you give up..and change it into a MOTIVATION instead, to push yourself to do prove them wrong.. and to show them who is BOSS!
And whether you'd like to see it this way or not, these people have somehow contributed to get you to where you are today. If not for their bad treatment.. you wouldn't have push yourself this hard. So carry on this attitude and you will go far in Life! =)) 

Dear readers... whenever people throw negativity at you.. It can go two ways..

No.1 : Give in to their negativity..sob..cry..drown in self pity and disappointment and pain..


No.2 : Get your game ON..and show them who's BOSS!

Because in the end, it is YOU who decide how you want to lead your Life. 

Happy Chinese New Year once again!

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Sometimes, it's easier being alone.

Hey people..

It has been a pretty tough week of relationship issues for  me..
I've been close to the edge of giving up on having relationships with people..
(yes i know, very unlike me.)
Relationships in general.

I've been feeling this way..

"Sometimes, it's easier being alone.. "

It is, isn't it?
I dont know about your relationships, but the relationships that i have with people in my life takes a great deal of effort,time and yes, effort again. It comes with joy yet, it comes with a lot of pain as well.
I guess all relationships are pretty much as such.
Maybe that's why they're so special.

I am one who treasures all my relationships a lot.
Even though i am sometimes superrrrr busy, i still try my best to find time.
Because i guess.. Good relationships are really hard to come by these days.
It doesn't just happen. Sometimes it does. Well, it only starts out like that..
You know, if you click, you just click. But if you dont, u just dont.

U can't force something that just, isn't there.

But even if you click in the beginning, in the long run, it would still require time and effort.
It's never easy maintaining a relationship no matter how close you are to someone.
Never easy.

I guess, i've been really discouraged recently to mend relationships with the people around me. Either to mend or to maintain. Been hurt quite a lot recently.. involved countless flows of tears and heartaches. (Ps: not everything is about a boyfriend/partner Love kay. it could be amongst friends or family.)

Been going through a crazy emotional roller coaster ride.
And nopes, not enjoying a single bit of it. =(
I guess, if you keep getting hurt, over and over again.. before you can even heal or recover to be tough enough to take the next beating.. at some point, you'd just feel like letting go and giving up.

It's so much easier that way. So much easier to let go. Be alone. Do your own thing without the need to care about what other people think, don't have to bother or handle or be involved with unnecessary emotions.. pain and hurt..disappointment and sadness..

But i guess..this is only easier at times. Sometimes.

It's so tiring.
Especially when i am, most of the time, the one making the initiative. I can't always be the one making the initiative. I am human too.. and i will get tired. What then?
I was very close to giving up on caring. Caring about all these relationships that i have with people.
But being z tough cookie that i am..
I will pull through.
I wont give up that easily.
Even though it is painful and saddening.. at least i know that i still feel things.
Guess that's better than being numb.