Thursday, September 26, 2013

My Younger Self.

Hey all!

So.. yes. Super emo entry. BUT, good news is, i've finally found a place and sorted out a few things that needs to be sorted. So phewh! Less things to worry about!

I guess i was just really stressed out.. and i felt as if i was doing everything alone.. and so, i felt extremely.. stressed out and.. helpless. =( I guess planning a birthday party alone is never an easy task. But yeaaaah. Finally found a place yesterday. SO , one less thing to worry about. =)

Anyways, i came across a few old entries of mine. Back to the year 2006 and 2007.. when i was only 14 or 15.. and boy did i laugh my pants off! I was.. SO... HYPER... back then! Extremely Hyper! I was such a Happy Kid.

Those who know me now, knows that I am easily happy. But last time, I was even more easily satisfied. My day could be this really bad day where everything that could've gone wrong, went wrong. But at the end of the day, i'd be really happy, simply because i got to eat Pizza! hahahaha! So amused. Really. And the fact that i still see certain similarities from my younger self to the person i am to date, amazes me as well. The way I talk.. or the way i'd type things.. haha. ALSO. Gosh.. the ample of things that i learn from my younger self from time to time never cease to surprise me really.

For example, there came a time where I was just really angry about how everyone was putting the blame on me even though I had absolutely nothing to do with it. But simply because I was elder, i was the one to be blamed. The most trivial things. Ie: when my little brother decided to go on a diet because he felt he was becoming chubby, or when he accidentally spill some water on the couch. All these trivial things, i got scolded for simply because, I was the older one. =.=..........

Don't see why? I don't either.
So yeah, i was really upset, i felt as if everything that was going was just really unfair and ridiculous. But halfway through my angry entry, i suddenly started to type about how Jesus went through the exact same thing. You know what? i will just paste z paragraph here. And yes, i had serious spelling errors back then. Don't judge me k. haahaha.

"But then again..If i think Back..Jesus went through the same thing..But he did not say a word..All the critic...and all the blames...When he did nothing but good...And he died on the cross to take away all OUR sins....not HIS...But ours...How FAIR is that? ITS NOT! ITS NOT ONE SINGLE BIT FAIR...Haihs...i guess i should learn from tht and just shut my mouth and just receive all that Sense-less blames ...All that blames which i do not deserve...It will be so hard...Haih..I need u Lord...Help me...Give me the patience...And just help me to not expload whenever i'm about too..."

And that was my 14 year old self, talking.
This is why i love blogging. It may help others, reading my blog along the way. But it helps the future me as well. My younger self never fails to remind me of all the values and principles i stood by.. and how i should continue to stand by them. =) It's so easy nowadays to forget who we are, too easy. But i'm thankful that I constantly have things around me to remind me of who I am, who I want to be, and who I don't want to become.

My walk down memory lane.
haha. *happysighs*

16 Days till I turn 21.!
SO much to do! Leggo!

Friday, September 20, 2013

22 Days till..

It's 22 days till I turn 21.

I was reluctant at first when deciding if I should celebrate my 21st with a Party. Because it has been a really long time since i've last celebrated my birthday with a party.
Probably the last party was during my 15th Birthday party.. and things were much easier and simple back then because we had proper place and space for a party to be hosted at home.. but things in KL is so much different compared to my previous home in JB.

Hence why i was pretty reluctant. I guess.. the thought of planning my 21st birthday party kinda scared me. Somehow..
It's really funny how it is SOOOO easy for me to plan an awesome birthday surprise for my friends.. for other people.. the ideas.. the creativity, everything just comes to me in a heart beat. But when it came to me? when it came to my own party? My mind just went blank.

22 days till.. and i have yet to find a suitable place to have it.
And there is alot of things that i cannot get done yet without having a confirmed venue. =(
I had two places in mind. One is prolly not gonna be an option anymore and the other is still pending confirmation.. problem with these two  places is that I can't directly deal with the management as these two places would require a residence to deal with the management. Coz only residence are allowed to rent the place. And so i have to go thru 2 people.. and so everything is just really messy and confusing and uncertain. Gosh. Don't you just hate the feeling of Uncertainty? =(

And so I would prolly have to start looking for other options as to where i should host z birthday party.. I feel very touched and blessed that many have decided to attend my birthday party despite the fact that they don't know where it would be held as yet. But i guess.. i just feel really helpless at the moment.. because..

I am blanked out. I don't know what to do. How to do it. Where to have it. etc.
I have gotten the caterer's number and i sort of have a picture of how i would want my birthday party to look like. But.. i dont know. i guess everything just feels so uncertain. =(

Also, the thing that really upset me this time, was finding out who are your true friends and who are not. They seem so nice..all the time, when everything is mutual and when everything is normal. But when u need help, and when u ask for help, they suddenly become all busy.. become all "maaa faaaan" ish.

I guess, what i'm trying to say is that..

If someone didn't need your help, they wouldn't have asked.
Asking for help, is putting oneself in a very vulnerable position.
Putting oneself in a position where you are exposed to the many possibilities of rejection.
And trust me, that is a very scary position to be in.

I guess that is life..
You find out who your true friends are as you go along in life in time.

At the moment, i feel really discouraged and demotivated..
To the point of wanting to just drop the whole idea of even celebrating my 21st.
Why did I even agree to celebrate my 21st? Sighs.

Friday, September 06, 2013

Back from Europe! =)

Hey peeps!

It's been a gazillion years! :O

If you didn't already know, I was MIA due to me hollie in Europe for a month! =)
It was amazing travelling around Europe with my one and only twin and Bestfriend! =)
An unforgettable experience, a priceless one.

So yeps! Got back just a few days ago and I've been trying to reset my biological clock to Malaysia time! haha. mannn... that has not been fun. Nuh uh. Not one bit. Been having serious jet lag issues since the 1st. Sleeping time pretty screwed up.. meal times.. but i think i'm almost there! haha. Coz i finally had some proper rest yesterday night! Contrary to the pass few days.. sleeping at 7am.. even though i tried sleeping at 2am.. haha. Rolled around till 8am. T_T

But yeah, ever since i've got back, been back to my crazy busy life.
Had a lot of things to get sorted.. have not even unpack! haha.
And Final Year of Law School is already starting in 2 days time!
Time flies! :O

Also, my timetable for final year.. will cause me to miss all 3 services in my current church.. =( and so, i would prolly have to attend another church for the time being. It's pretty saddening for me to do so because i've just started serving, recently, in my church's worship team. But now, with this timetable, prolly have to back out for a while. =( Sighs. oh wells.

And anyways! gonna be working at some big shot politician's wedding tomorrow. =P
Workaholic? Maybe. =P Just maybe. haha.

But it'll be my first time working along side a wedding planner!
So that is going to be pretty interesting! :D
Can't wait! =)

I shall update you peeps about z Europe trip soon!
but till then! I hope all of you are well and Happy.. =))
I know I am. =D