22 Days till..

It's 22 days till I turn 21.

I was reluctant at first when deciding if I should celebrate my 21st with a Party. Because it has been a really long time since i've last celebrated my birthday with a party.
Probably the last party was during my 15th Birthday party.. and things were much easier and simple back then because we had proper place and space for a party to be hosted at home.. but things in KL is so much different compared to my previous home in JB.

Hence why i was pretty reluctant. I guess.. the thought of planning my 21st birthday party kinda scared me. Somehow..
It's really funny how it is SOOOO easy for me to plan an awesome birthday surprise for my friends.. for other people.. the ideas.. the creativity, everything just comes to me in a heart beat. But when it came to me? when it came to my own party? My mind just went blank.

22 days till.. and i have yet to find a suitable place to have it.
And there is alot of things that i cannot get done yet without having a confirmed venue. =(
I had two places in mind. One is prolly not gonna be an option anymore and the other is still pending confirmation.. problem with these two  places is that I can't directly deal with the management as these two places would require a residence to deal with the management. Coz only residence are allowed to rent the place. And so i have to go thru 2 people.. and so everything is just really messy and confusing and uncertain. Gosh. Don't you just hate the feeling of Uncertainty? =(

And so I would prolly have to start looking for other options as to where i should host z birthday party.. I feel very touched and blessed that many have decided to attend my birthday party despite the fact that they don't know where it would be held as yet. But i guess.. i just feel really helpless at the moment.. because..

I am blanked out. I don't know what to do. How to do it. Where to have it. etc.
I have gotten the caterer's number and i sort of have a picture of how i would want my birthday party to look like. But.. i dont know. i guess everything just feels so uncertain. =(

Also, the thing that really upset me this time, was finding out who are your true friends and who are not. They seem so nice..all the time, when everything is mutual and when everything is normal. But when u need help, and when u ask for help, they suddenly become all busy.. become all "maaa faaaan" ish.

I guess, what i'm trying to say is that..

If someone didn't need your help, they wouldn't have asked.
Asking for help, is putting oneself in a very vulnerable position.
Putting oneself in a position where you are exposed to the many possibilities of rejection.
And trust me, that is a very scary position to be in.

I guess that is life..
You find out who your true friends are as you go along in life in time.

At the moment, i feel really discouraged and demotivated..
To the point of wanting to just drop the whole idea of even celebrating my 21st.
Why did I even agree to celebrate my 21st? Sighs.