Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Disappointment.

How do we keep ourselves away from disappointment? Could we avoid it? Dodge it? Is it even possible?

One might think that locking up ourselves and isolating ourselves from the world would do. As long as I'm no where near nobody, I would be safe. Safe from any hurt. Safe from any possibilities of disappointment.

But then if u think about it, one can also be disappointed without even having the need for another person to do anything at all! And that's just it. You're disappointed because someone had omitted themselves from doing something u wish they would have. Like caring.. Making up for their wrongs.. And etc.

So how do we escape disappointment in life? Or is it just inevitable?

If you're hoping for some conclusion and solution at the end of this post, I might have just disappointed you, because I don't. ( ohh the ironyyyy. ) but yeah. I too am puzzled.. Walking through this maze.. Finding a way out but I just can't seem to see the light at the end of any tunnel at this point in time.

I had experienced so much disappointment in a row.. In just a day.. And I am struggling to find my route to recovery.

Where do I go from here?.

Thursday, January 09, 2014

How has it Been?

Hey world.

So, how has it been?
It's been rather difficult for me to move away from the person that i once was. From me not being able to NOT care. But i've been making an effort and it has been going alright so far.. i think..

Been meeting up with a few close friends and been feeling the immense stress of my final year under the UOL.

4 months till my first paper.

So after yesterday, i have decided to stop planning any meet ups for now.
*heh, as if tht can happen*
But i will try tho..

So yes, really soon, the commencement of my "Isolation from the World period" will take place. To be honest, i am far from ready to enter this whole time of the year all over again. =((( But i guess, time waits for no man and time is something that i cannot afford. SO, yes, will start being a completely lifeless nerd real real soon.. But in the meanwhile, i have left, a photoshoot and video shoot with my crew to look forward to and one last performance for a youth event this coming February. After tht, completely no dance till after the 10th of June. The day i finish and am done with Law School! :DD!!!

So yeah, besides tht, i've been doing alright i guess.
Been falling sick. Coz of the busy schedule and the hot hot weather.
But i've been making a real and proper effort at sleeping early and waking up early.
Been trying to spend my time more wisely and be more productive.. in studies, health, etc.

Let's just hope this would last and bear good fruit! =)

xoxo.!

Friday, January 03, 2014

An End to a New Beginning.

I have always tried to keep up with the big pool of friends that I have scattered all around. It's not easy trying to do so especially since I have the schedule of some big shot business man. No, I kid. But seriously, I'm a busy bee. A very busy one to the point of having no time for sleep!

Sleep! One of the most vital elements for a human being to function properly. 

I try and try so hard to juggle everything with my two hands to the point of being worn out, almost completely at times. 

Why do I do this to myself? 

I rather meet up with people and try to squeeze them into my busy schedule despite not having enough time for my own self. Sometimes, I set aside time with studies, dance or family or even God! To spend time with these people or at least, to keep up with them. 

Best part? Some of them never made an effort! It has always been a one way thing but yet! Because they are dear to me, I journey on, on this lonely one way street. 

But why?! Why do you do this to yourself cykm? 

Simply because, I choose to believe that they'll come through, one day. But sometimes, that day never comes, and I, being a normal human being, gets tired. Guess what happens when I stop making the initiative?

That's right. We drift apart. And sometimes, this inevitably makes me feel bad. And when I feel bad, this makes me feel obliged to approach them and to repeat this never ending cycle all over again.

Last year, sometime around December, something hit me really badly. Because I've never been more busy and I guess, time was never a luxury that I could afford. Hence, after being hurt and disappointed really badly, I've decided to just Stop. This. For. Good. 

And what better way than to start the year afresh and to start now? 

Hence, I have decided, that I will no longer spend.. Wait. Scratch that. Waste time, on people who don't deserve it, and start spending MORE time on the ones who do. I no longer want to feel bad and obliged. If we drift apart, so be it. It was never meant to be a one man conquest anyways. Even if I DO feel bad, I will refuse! to act on it. Because I guess it will take time discarding a part of me that has been as such for years. But no more. 

As I grow older, my time becomes more and more limited and I guess, enough is enough. 

I am going to start spending more time on the people who deserve it. 
I will stop! Neglecting myself. I will try my utmost best to take better care of myself. *especially since I'm known for being the worst at self care* 
And I will build stronger and healthier relationships that doesn't require me to forego what matters JUST because its a one way thing. 

It is not going to be easy for me to allow myself to see these friendships and relationships fall and crumble after many years of time and effort especially since, I am one who treasures them a lot. But I guess, sometimes, you've jst got to do what you've got to do. 

Xoxo.!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Last day of 2013 !

It's New Year's Eve! :O

So how shall i sum up my year ?
I guess, I would say that my 2013 has been a pretty long one. It definitely didn't feel like just ONE year. But it actually felt like 3 different years.

From January to May, i was studying my ass off for my Second year of my degree. Pretty much, didn't have much of a life back then.

From June to September, I worked hard to save up for my Europe trip! And had an Amazing month just travelling and seeing more of the World, bit by bit. =)

From September to December, I resumed my life as a student and entered into my FINAL year of my degree. Can't believe that i'm already in my Final year. Gosh.. this whole process of being a student of the University of London has been pure torture. I kid you not. And i can't wait to be done with it. =/ In the process, i also turned 21 ! Also met Siti Nurhaliza, and danced for her on National Tv. :O met a few amazing friends and basically, enjoyed life.

I have also had to deal with the Hit and Run saga from May to December. A very very long 7 months. But that has almost come to a closure. I got my car fixed and i'm now just waiting to claim back my endorsement fee of rm400 because i was below the age of 21 when the accident happened and for the lost of use claim.
But otherwise, it's pretty much done! tho, this process would take at least another 6 months. So yeah. =(

So yeah! Hence, why my 2013 felt like 3 long years instead of One!
2013 has been a good year tho. It truly has been a year of blessings. =)

Leaving 2013 and entering into 2014 would definitely be one BitterSweet experience.
Because 2013 has been such a good year, but I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me. Especially since i would be graduating ( FINALLY ) in 2014 from Law School. I would be entering the next phase of my Life and i'm pretty excited to move on and forward with Life.

But at the very same time, I'm not ready to run this last mile for my Final year just yet. =(
I mean, every single time January comes, it has been a trigger to the commencement of my "Isolation from the World" period. And i don't feel ready to be in tht time of the year again.
But i guess, we're never actually ready and we just have to take in whatever Life throws at us.

It has also been a year of making and breaking Friendships, but whatever it is, I am nevertheless, THANKFUL for the life that i have lead thus far.

Shall be spending my new year's eve at my favourite place with my lil brotha. =)
Gonna lay down a mat on a patch of grass, have snacks, appreciate the beauty of nature and just talk and talk till the clock strikes 12. =)

I will try to have another post up of 2013 with some pictures next, but for now,
So Long 2013. You have been nothing but Good to me and I have become stronger despite the challenges tht have come my way. Thankful and Blessed.

Here's to a New Year!
A year of New Beginnings and a Year of Stepping out of my Comfort zones.
xoxo.!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Christmas is coming!! :D

Hello all!

I just wanted to remember however i'm feeling today because it may help future me! :D

I've been dealing with a whole lot for the pass few months.. and especially yesterday.. it was stressful beyond words. So much happened yesterday at the insurance panel workshop and i found out that this case would prolly pro-long until 2014. So whtever hopes i had of this Hit and Run saga to end by this year was all crushed and all. And i just felt extremely stressed out hearing about what would happen if this and that. Kinda rushing to get to class now so i can't type much..

I also just got my car from the workshop and today, i spent in total, RM725 on my car. Because i had to service it, change all four tires, had to change the break oil and i have still, to change the mounting which would cost me another RM300. I couldn't afford it and so I decided to fix tht another time. BUT YEAH. gosh, that is A LOT to spend in one day on my car. And i'm just a student, not working.. but yes, i manintain my own car on my own, entirely. And it's not something to complain about but i actually feel proud and independent doing so.

BUT YEAH.
gosh, need to work more part time jobs to fix up my car.

But what i really want future ME to know is that.. despite spending so much money recently, on christmas presents, on your car, on the insurance bit, MONEY CAN BE EARNED, once spent.
It's not the end of the world!

Your safety is more important.
People's happiness and Joy is something that can never be quantified.
And that whatever you experienced along the way of the money being spent, is something that you can never buy.

Celine Yap,
Don't forget how despite spending so much this month, you came home feeling happy and thankful, instead of feeling miserable and broke. You may be poor, money wise. But you are rich with BLESSINGS!

Blessings of the help you've received!
How you had someone to follow you to the panel workshop and be that shoulder to lean on when you were stressed over your head! How there was someone by your side to comfort you and walk you through these tough times. How someone would go out of their way just to help you get your car from the workshop because walking there *even though it was so nearby to your house* wasn't safe.

Remember how you received so much care and love whilst experiencing all these stress and whilst burning a hole in your pocket.

THIS, this love and care that you've experienced, and felt, is something that you can never buy. Something so precious that you would keep close to your heart for a very long time.

So in the future, if you ever experience any financial issues, or when you feel like everything in your life tht could go wrong, is going wrong, pick out all these lil things that were coupled with it, and hold on tight to them. Because these are the lil things that makes life, Beautiful.

xoxo.!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I need a Holiday !

Hey peeps. And just like that, it's December already!
Maaan. It's so bad that i only have time to blog every once a month these days..
So many things have been happening.. and arghhh.. it's especially annoying when the things that happens, are those that pro-long and linger.. So much so, it makes me feel as if I am not able to move on with Lifeeeee.

For example, this "Hit and Run" saga that i've not been able to leave behind me ever since the month of May! It has been 7 long months and boy am I tired, and fed up. It has been such a tiresome process, so inconvenient and just, LONG. Just yesterday, i finally had the chance to get the results on the case and by God's grace, the third party is said to be in the wrong and thus, i can now proceed with the insurance claiming and all. OR SO I THOUGHT. Apparently, i was suppose to send the car to the panel workshop 7 days after making the report. I didn't know about this.. and the police asked me to wait for them to send the third party 2 notices. If he doesn't respond, I can proceed with the results and then the insurance. So apparently, i would have to write a letter and hopefully, they would accept my reason of delay. =( Otherwise, i would have to bring this case to court and make this an individual action. And i seriously have NO TIME whatsoever, for a court case right now. Not keen on a court case. Gah. =((((

This is so tiring. It's so easy sometimes to just give up.
and let bad people like him, walk away, free.
BUT NO! People like him, needs to learn that respect, regardless of age and race, is very very important. He must also learn to admit it when he has done something wrong. Yes, i sound like a mother, talking to my four year old kid or something. But regardless of age, everyone has the right to be spoken to, with respect, and regardless of age, be humble enough to admit your wrongs and faults.

I cannot stand, people who are ever so bold to do wrong unto others but cowardly hides and runs away when he has to own up to it. I cannot stand by and watch people like this get away. And so, i will finish what i started, and i will finish it strong!

Argh. I just want and hope to finish this whole saga before the new year comes. Don't want to bring this into the new year.

There are also a load of other issues that i have had to deal with over the year, not being able to get it to come to closure as soon as i have hoped. Why? because it is the actions of these other people that can do so. And so, all i can do is wait, and follow up.. and arghhhhh it's so annoying and frustrating when things are out of your control, u want to move on, leave all of this behind, but you cannot, because of other people's inefficiency! Sighs. It's frustrating, really.

Then there's studies. Oh where do i begin? Final year has been pretty crazy. The bulk. It's just overwhelming. I had a plan. But that plan isn't working out too well. And i'm kinda freaking out because time is flying like alksdjsjfhsf FAST. And guess what? My exam timetable is out! And it's exactly 6 months till my first paper!

" AIYAH. 6 months! that's still a long way to go lah okay?! "

OR SO YOU THINK.
6 months ain't a lot for a Law student. Trust me. TRUST ME.

It really isn't.
And i feel like i'm barely on track. Well it's not too bad la. It's not like i'm totally clueless but it's just that, it is my FINAL year in Law School and after all my hard work in the other years, i need.. NEED to do even better this year to obtain the results that i WANT. To graduate with a degree that is of GOOD results. And i don't plan on getting anything lower than a second upper.

SELF IMPOSED STRESS RIGHT THERE.
yeah i know.. but sometimes, we need to do so i guess.

Ahhh there's just so many things that i want to do.. but so little time. Well isn't that always the case? Heh. And yeah.. i just feel like i really need some CHILL OUT TIME MAN.
*cry* I've been so busy, I haven't had proper time to workout on a consistent basis either. *gaaah.. sucky sucky* =(

I haven't had proper time for my dog either.
I've been a horrible owner. =(((

I haven't been able to take her out for walks, haven't had time to just play with her.. coz everytime i get home, i'll just feel so extremely exhausted, i'd shower or try to workout with whatever energy i have left and sleep. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaans. I need some recharging. Feel as though my Life is just really messy at the moment. Too many things on my mind.. don't even know how or where to place them.. or what to do with them.

Hope things will clear off ASAP.
I really need a free-er mind.

xoxo.!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

November already?! :O

Hey guys!

It's been ages. I know. Tell me about it!
Gosh.. You know, i thought i would have more room to breathe after my party. Guess i thought wrong! I've been so overwhelmed ever since i got back from the UK ! The series of events that just keep on coming and going in a consecutive manner has been crazy!

To start,
How did my party go?


My Birthday Cake! Designed it and decorated it myself! :D
A cake of the things I Love. =D.!
Kit Kats and Oreos! 
Well, to be honest, since I was practically the only one planning my 21st Birthday party, i guess you can only imagine how stressful it was! There was soooo many things to deal with and it overwhelmed me. It did. Thank God for friends who helped tho!

Thank you all, who helped to cook some of the things on the menu! and to those who helped before, during and after the party! I couldn't have done it without my family and friends! But the whole party had went according to how i pictured it. =)) Everything was exactly like how i imagined it to be! It really felt like a celebration and there was just so much love and warmth surrounding the place! Also! thank you to those who performed! it was lovely..  Thank you for all the gifts, and for simply sharing this precious memory with me. =)) It was definitely a night to remember and a 21st Birthday Party that will be kept close to the heart and mind for a very long time.. =)

Here's some pictures of z Party! :D



 







It felt as if it was a dream. A Vintage dream that came true. ='))
Thank you all for being a part of this happy and memorable celebration!
One that was filled with laughter,singing, and dancing. =)

--------------------------------------

After my party, the load of my studies came crashing like a tsunami. Unannounced.
Job opportunities for my Dancing Life also came knocking at my door, more often than ever!
And so, I have been having a very tough time at juggling both my final year of Law School and my Dancing Life.!

I have had the opportunity, just 2 weeks ago, to dance for Dato Siti Nurhaliza on a TV show called "Akademi Fantasia"! 

Dato Siti Nurhaliza and I ! :D
I have always, always had this dream of being a back up dancer for an Artist that i look up to, on National Tv!


And this came true, this year !
After all these years of dreaming and wishing.. Hoping..
And I couldn't feel more blessed to have been given the honor of dancing back up for Siti Nurhaliza, someone i grew up watching on TV, hearing about, and listening to, on radios!
It was a great, great experience.




I have also had the opportunity to dance for a Hair Show at Sg.Wang.
And they gave me this make over for the purposes of promoting their new hair product. haha. but yeah! Dark Green and Red! Never imagined having such a colour combination before! =P


With z Crew, HyperActive Crew at z Hairshow. :D
Massive make up and hair do. haha. Yes, that is I. =P
So now you know how i look like with massive make up and curly hair. :D

Had the opportunity to perform in Time square as well, for some KPOP TV competition, which also went on TV! :D


Performing at a Youth Event.! :D

And was surprised with this pretty pretty flower after z Show! ='))

And then came the deepavali holidays! Finally had a proper Sunday, the way sundays are supposed to be! contrary to the 9-6.30pm spent in Uni, having class, on a Sunday. D:

So yeah! T'was a happy sunday! got to rest, go to church, have lunch with friends, dinner with parents. Such a nice day of rest. Really needed it!

And i've also been working part time at events as well to earn a lil extra. U see, it's quite difficult to maintain your own car when you're a full time student, with no monthly income. Hence! The dance jobs and extra part time jobs! Yes, this month is service month. Boofus is gonna be sent to z workshop and it's gonna cost a bomb. =( So many things to be changed!

but yeah, besides that, all is good. Just the typical wear and tear of things.
So yeah! Been so difficult to work, study and dance at the same time!
Sometimes, i really don't blame my mum for getting all worked up and angry for not having enough time for myself. =(
Last Night, with the Finalist of AF 2013. :D
Sucha lovely bunch of people! 
Will also be dancing for the Akademi Fantasia Finals, this Sunday, 17th of November at Stadium Negara. =D so yesh! been busy with this as well! 
And assignments are piling up..time is flying and i've yet to read so many textbooks and journals and articles. =((

I guess, it's never easy wanting to balance two completely different worlds, but it is something that i want to do and so i shouldn't be complaining! In fact, I am actually really thankful and happy for all the doors that God has been opening to me lately! I am, very very much. Couldn't feel more blessed. 

But I also feel really bad whenever I get so overwhelmed and busy to the point where I can't keep in touch with my close friends. =( I try, but its just so difficult sometimes. Because as of now, I don't even have time to have sufficient sleep. =( So yeah.. i feel really bad for taking so long to reply some of the messages they've sent me.. be it thru fb or smses. But being the person I am, I dont like to give people short, 'cin cai' replies. So whenever i read their messages, i think to myself, okay, i'll reply them later when i have time to give them a proper reply. But sometimes, that time just never comes.

I guess, time is a luxury that I cannot afford at the moment. =/
But anyways! If you're reading this! You know i'll get back to you sooner or later. You know that i really miss you guys too and that I want to tell you, in detail, about all the things that has been happening lately, but i can only do so prolly.. idk.. in december. D: My november schedule is like, maxed out!

I knowwww. so busy.
But i promise! You guys will hear from me soon!

Miss you all!
Can't wait to meet up and talk to you guys asap!

But in the mean time, please take care and be safe!
Till next time! =)
xoxo.!