Monday, April 30, 2012

self esteem.


Never thought juggling studies and dance would ever be a problem.
But the bulk of my law subjects?
And the big number of routines that needs to be learned up?
Is starting to overwhelm me.

It's been quite a while since i've ever had self-esteem issues. I was always the one with a very high self-esteem, boosting other people's self-esteem, motivating them. Heck, i even gave a speech on self-esteem at a public speaking competition before and came in champion. But now, i see myself having very low self-esteem. Mainly because of dance.

i've been practicing the routines, learning them up whenever i'm taking a break from the books. When my brain is all drained. But i've come to realize how my pace in picking up steps, adapting, catching, learning, is not as fast as I used to be. To sum it all up, i'm not as sharpened as i used to be and it has only been 2 months since i've danced on a regular basis. Sighs.

Call me a perfectionist.
But i really hate the slightest feeling of being out of touch. Especially when it concerns my passion, dance.
I dont want to let neither my crew nor my teacher down. I want to show Him that he did not pick the wrong person  to do the Job. Being the person I am, I know i'd be practicing 24/7 to perfect every move the minute my last paper ends. But it would be impossible for me to learn them all up after my exams. It's just too short of a time. Hence, me learning up the routines now. Though, i cannot say my exam isn't as important. I'm paying for it and boy is it expensive. 

When I practice, i can't seem to get the moves right. I suddenly feel like a newbie, learning dance for the very first time. I feel like a clown or a joke. Yes, that is how bad i feel. Especially when everyone around is having such high expectations of me, including myself. "You're supposed to be a pro! " And there goes.. another arrow shooting right into my heart.. or rather, my self-esteem. My mind is just so occupied with all the authorities,cases,principles,statutes that i can't seem to coordinate my body,hands and feet in the proper direction. When i carry out the moves, i look so crappy. GAAAH! AND U HAVE NO IDEA HOW FRUSTRATING IT IS! 

It's difficult enough that i have to practice alone and I cannot practice with my crew. Sighs. Here I am, once again, in one of the lowest point of my life. When i suddenly feel that I am good at nothing. 


Thursday, April 26, 2012

A Month of Change.

Alot has happened in April. Both good and bad.
I'd update you in detail in time..but on a brief note!

Here are some of the Good changes. =)

- I FINALLY have a room to myself! *u've no idea how good it feels to have ur own space and place in the house. =)*
- Didn't end up shifting because of negotiations done with z owner..
- No longer hold a P license! =PPP *saya dah grow up! =D* hahaha..
- I may be the owner of a super cute toy poodle called Teddy. ^.^ !!!
- Guess who has FINALLY saved enough to buy her OWN car?

yeaaaah babeeehhh~!!! Thats right thats right! I've finally saved enough to buy myself a safe and proper car to drive! The kancil was just.. in a REALLY bad shape.. bad bad shape. The breaks are almost not working and thats just one of the few problems of the kancil.

It just feels SOOO GOOD! to have earned and saved up for your very first car! Pure sweat and effort! And tadaaaaaa~! The results? SO WORTH IT! =) Nothing can ever compare to the feeling of earning the stuffs you buy. =)) You can call them YOURS.. without any strings attached.. It's not a new car! (yes i am not that rich) But nevertheless! it's still a better car! I'm the second owner of this car. =D

The feeling of independence is just immeasurable.

Sides that, I've been crazy busy, as you can see because of my upcoming finals in just 13 days! =S! 13 DAYS! please do keep me in your prayers. I cannot do this without God. I cannot..

And AFTER exams, i'll be crazy busy too! i'll be performing in Genting, for Genting itself, for 7 days! It's like a show where visitors at Genting can come in to watch. I dont know if it's free admission though! But! this i must say, is very exciting! Although i'll have to learn up 10 different sets of routines in a very limited time because i've exams, i cant join them at practice, i have to practice myself when i'm taking a break from my books. But i know it'll be worth it! This will totally bring my dance experience to a whole new level! I am truly blessed because of the doors God is opening for me. Plus, my stay there for a week plus meals are all covered! =D! I've always wanted to go up to Genting with a group of friends and now, this plus a totally new experience is in store for me! 2 wishes to be answered? You bet! =)

Not forgetting the fact that i'd finally have the opportunity to dance and PERFORM with my dance teacher! Also with a few of his crew members! This is such an honor! When a student finally gets the chance to perform, side by side with someone who you look up to? Definitely an opportunity i will not let pass by!

Okay i will stop here. that was totally NOT brief. heh. =P

I wont deny the immense stress that i am feeling along with some other feelings that brings me down.

But it is always better to speak of the Good things than the bad. Aye? =)

Aye.!

Great things are in store for me and i am very excited! 
xoxo.!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Naza Bestari ( Peugeot 206)

Omgossssssssssssssssh!
guess what guess what guess what?!!!!!

As i was driving to college today.. A really charming car caught my attention! I couldn't help but notice it's presence on the road! At first glance.. i thought it was a satria.. And if u dont already know, Satria has  always been my dream car ever since i was 8 years old! 

"The minute i get my license, my first car will be a satria.. and after i get rich, i will buy myself a Harrier " AND YES THAT LITTLE GIRL'S DREAMS STILL REMAINS VERY MUCH INTACT! 

So anyways~ 
I suddenly realized.. EH EH? there are FOUR DOORS! :O?! So i drove at a consistent speed to have a closer look at it.. Ohh.. Peugeot? Omgosh! Peugeot has a car that looks exactly like the Satria?! AND THERE ARE FOUR DOORS!  FOUR! *gassp!!!* couldn't wait to get home to look up the car! took me a while till i finally found out what model it was! and guess what?! 

Found out that Naza has actually renamed this car Naza 206 Bestari, the Naza- Badged version of the Peugeot 206. Naza is the distributor for Peugeot cars in Malaysia along with a few other brands i.e. ferrari, maserati,harley-davidson, ducati, kia and many more.
The Peugeot 206.
This is the one i saw on the road today! And the exact same colour!
But the one i saw had spoilers like the Naza 206 Bestari but with the Peugeot logo.
Oh gosh.. 

Love at first sight i tell u! 
It's so sexy and hansome in a cute way!
Okay.. maybe more cool than cute!

but oh boy am i excited!

If you're wondering, did u manage to get a satria when u got your license then?

Answer: No.
Why?  : Because my parents said that all the satrias are now REALLY old and its not worth buying if its gonna give you loads of problems.. =( My dreams were crushed! ahhh... 
Why not get the Satria Neo then? : I'm really picky and i think the Satria Neo is ugly. 
It looks the same.. : No it doesn't! the old satria.. especially the GTI one looks waaaaay better compared the Neo ones.

No doubt, the satria is a two door-ed car.. but i seriously didn't mind.. My childhood dream car la! 2 doors less wouldn't stop me. Then again, i fetch alot of people around.. especially my grandma who is really picky about where she sits and which side she sits on. And no, the satria would be the worse car if i were to drive her around. So yeah.. a few solid reasons why i shouldn't get the satria.. and so.. even though i've finally accepted reality.. i never stopped thinking about owning my own satria one day.. Oh how i eyed every satria i saw on the road.. with envy.. wishing it was mine.

BUT NOW..
 NOW! 
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........... =D 
PEUGEOT 206!!!!!! 
*superbigsmilewithheartshapedeyes!*

 I'm in love.
yes i'm in love.
i suddenly feel as if a dream that seemed destined to be left untouched..
could now be a possibility all over again!
So happy today! i was so excited.. i started telling everyone about this car!
HAHAHAA. And thats exactly what i'm doing right now! =D!
Best part? It's price, OTR is RM45,900, interest 3% 9yrs.
like myvi price! :O!!!!!
ok la.. actually its way much more expensive compared to a myvi.. because i read up abit and found out that parts in Malaysia are pretty expensive...
 but but still! a possibility! =D!
Now now, who ever said only guys drool over their dream cars?!

Me is your living proof! =D
haha. Since i'm so hyped up.. i shall end this post with another story that might be kindaaa embarrassing.. but who caressss!?

Today,
As i approaced the lockers outside the Library.. I suddenly realized this cute guy in red, an unfamiliar face, smiling at me. Of course, a natural reaction would be to Smile back and that is exactly what  i did. What i tried to do. What i wanted to do. What i thought i was gonna do. As i was smiling halfway *yes, it is possible to smile halfway* i suddenly held back and my halfway smile went back to a normal.. facial expression.. then the guy, maybe feeling embarrassed or maybe.. had the.. "gosh so unfriendly/fierce/etcetc" feeling or impression of me. The minute i reached my locker and stood beside him.. a train of thoughts was flooding my head!!

" WHAT WAS THAT?! a halfway smile?! REALLY?! *facepalm 99*"
"Ahhh..he probably thinks i'm a super unfriendly person now.. but i'm not! D: "
"WHY DIDN'T U SMILE BACK???????????! gaaaaaaaaah.."
"TALK TO HIM! GO! he's just beside you.. REDEEM YOURSELF.. NAAAAO! "
*Which I obviously did not do... Sigh...*

yes yes dont laugh.. those were some of the thoughts that kept bombarding my mind.
And then.. i saw him walk into the library.. i wont lie.
I went into the library after taking my books etc, hoping to see him again.. with the hope of our eyes meeting again just so that i can make it right this time and smile back. With the hope of changing the impression that might have been pinned against me. But to no avail, the guy in red was no where to be seen.. or maybe he was on the other side of the library.. idk.. but one thing is for sure..

I couldn't get the " Why didn't you smile back?!" sentence out of my head for quite a while. hahahaa.. *smacksforehead* oh boyyy.. the sampat side of me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, i introduce to you.. THE SAMPAT SIDE OF CELINE! =D
Ceh wah.. didn't know i quite the shy weih!
The only reason why i did the halfway smile was proooobably totaaaally because i was Shy. =/

I didn't know i was that Shy! ahh.. *blush*

See.. i quite shy one okay.. one more weird combination to the complicated personality.
hahaha.

i gtg edit my assignment again. Sighs.. suppose to only write till about 2000 words but i overshot by 500 words. rawr.. minimum word limit i understand la.. but maximum too?! *shruggs*

Bye!

xoxo.!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Monday, April 16, 2012

Jotta. A



Touched.
He's only 12.
Makes me evaluate myself.

Anyways! u should really check out his other two videos that i really like..


Jotta first captured my attention through this video.. =) amazing talent i tell you! gave me goose bumps!



It's amazing to see how bold he is, worshiping God on national tv without being ashamed!

I admire his boldness and courage.
I admire his passion and love for God.

PS: and yes i know! u have to first pause my blog's music. =P sorry! just a teensy bit maa faan. =D but u enjoy my blog songs right right right? hee. =D

update u when i can! i've been slacking waaaaay too much! actually, not slacking, just REALLY busy cleaning and yada yada~

soon soon!

xoxo.!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

My Celebrity Moment. =P

Hello! =)
I'm sho tired.. i just got home from class and it's 10pm.. was in college from 10am -10pm! lifeless much? yeah pretty much. hahaa...

ANYWAYS, since i'm so tired.. i decided to share my 'celebrity moment' with you. It is really embarrassing but hey, i like to keep my blog as real as possible =) That's why i'd usually blog exactly the way i'd say it in real life.. though of course you are deprived of my many sound effects and facial expressions that you'd normally get when you have a face to face conversation with me, it's good to know that my friends can actually tell how i'd actually say it in real life when they read me entries. =D Sho yes! here it goes.

I decided to get all dolled up, with high heels and all.. and recently, i've been TRYING REALLY HARD.. still am trying actually.. to win some cash from the SUPA HIRO game that is going on on Hitz.fm. So as i walked from Sentral to my college, I took another route..a nicer route..where i'd be surrounded by Tall buildings everywhere.. with clean roads.. under the blue sky instead of the dusty polluted air that you'd get if you took the underground route.. Being really kan-ciong about the cue to call for the SupaHiro game, i put on my headphones as i walked to college. *which i usually/try not to do..coz its dangerous* Then this song called "Part of Me" - Katy Perry started playing on hitz.fm. It is SUCH a girl power motivating song! And before i knew it.. I was lip syncing to the song and started walking in a very.. how do i put it? Macam Yes way. HAHAHA. oh gosh.. what a description. But i cannot think of the word nw la! its just not coming to me.. hahaa.. ANYWAYS.. i started walking in a very "Macam Yes" way as if i was being shot in a MTV for the song. HAHAHAHAHA! and when I realized what i was doing, i couldn't help but laugh at myself! HAHA. but the funniest part was that i STILL CONTINUED to walk and act as if i was role playing for Katy's MTV. ahahaaaa! So tak malu kan?! hahahahaha! It's just one of those moments when you're all dressed up, u feel good, u have ur head held high, its a nice and sunny day, and suddenly this girl power song starts to play and u just get SO LOST IN THE MOMENT!

oh come onnnnnnnn. You SO TOTALLY have had your celebrity moments too! Pfft. =P Be it in the shower, in your car, while you're jogging, when you feel good.. whatever it is, I AM PRETTY SURE..you've had your 'celebrity moments' before!

hahaa..so yes thats as much as i'm gonna share before i further embarrass myself! =P no more no more. enough. =PP

ok la.. actually..after i continued doing that..because i was so lost in the moment, walking and strutting like some model.. i didn't really look where i was walking and yada yada and so... i tripped.. and fell.................



I SO DID NOT.!
hahaaaaa.. didn't la.. if i did, it'd be such a typical movie scene! hahahaahhaa. Thank God nothing like that has ever happened to me thus far.. hahaa.. i definitely do not hope it'd ever happen to me =P. Ok now, for all of you who are going.. "Ya right.. u so totally tipped! " HAHAA. u know me so well.. yes i did.

I DID NOT LA.
hahaa no i'm serious..  i did not.

* dang it.. so did she tripped or did she not?! *

hahaa it's so fun messing with your thoughts..
I DIDN'T LA. HAHAHAAA.

OK CHANGE TOPIC.

So how are my preparations for exams? Honestly? I've been struggling to stick to my revision plan because of the crazy revisions that are going on in college.. =( this whole week, this lecturer from UK have been revising Public Law with us and our classes usually end around 9.30pm. So yeah.. finding it pretty difficult to sort my time out. I have classes on Saturday and Sundays too.. Saturdays.. 10am - 7.30pm.. Sundays.. 9.30am - 4.30pm. After class.. i feel so tired and drained i just dont feel like revising anymore after tht. i just feel like resting. But following my FEELINGS is a very very bad thing especially when exams are only 28-27 days away.

*Big Sighs*

anyways, sides that, this lecturer very funny lah. hahaha.. he doesn't know how to operate his laptop that well.. according to him, he only knows how to on and off his laptop. hahahaa..so everytime he comes to class, when he have issues with his powerpoint or laptop, i pulak have to go help him. Why me? Because i sit infront and on the first day, when he asked for help, no one went up..so i went and help.. and eversince then! everytime got technical problem.. everyone looks at me! when he say.. "Ahh i gotta get the technician..where do i find them? " he's actually referring to the staff of my college.. but NOOOO.. everyone looks at me!

And it was very obvious today because when he asked where he could find the tech guy, one guy went " Eh wheres that lady? " and he went " oh no no i cant keep bothering her all the time! " LOL. then my friend went.. LOL YOUR NOW KNOWN AS THE TECHNICIAN! ur the class monitor *like, who gets elected as the monitor in Uni?! NO ONE! but i appear to be an exception =.=... * you're the calendar countdown.. *calendar countdown?! REALLY?! haha too much lah u! ish.. Coz my lecturer always ask me how many days left till exams.. =.=..........* and she said a few other stuffs but i cant seem to rmb.. hahaha..calendar countdown.. what is this lah?! ishh ish..

and i'm actually feeling super uncomfortable at the moment because I, being someone who was brought up to not waste food.. finished my friend's milo ice during dinner.. and i now have an upset tummy! =(( and it was SO SWEET, it gave me breathing difficulties now.. gah. =( such a champion. i especially hate the feeling of wanting to vomit but then again, you dont want to? its like stuck in the middle, not going up not going down.. not digesting but not throwing it out either.. rawr! horrible feeling i tell you! *manjasadpuppyface*

So thats all for now!
i've to finish EC LAW today whether i like it or not! rawr!

xoxo.!

ps: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA YAP KAH LAI!  love you. :)

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Eyes Open - Taylor Swift

Yesterday we were just children
Playing soldiers, just pretending
Dreaming dreams with happy endings
In backyards,Winning battles with the wooden swords
But now we've stepped into a cruel world
Where everybody stands in,Keep score
Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting
For you to breakdown
Everybody's watching
To see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eye, eyes open

So here you are,
Two steps ahead and staying on guard,
Every lesson forms a new scar
They never thought you'd make it this far

Keep your feet ready
Heartbeat steady
Keep your eyes open
Keep your aim locked
The night grows dark
Keep your eyes open. ♥


I love the lyrics. It means alot. At least to me it does.. =)

Can tear so easily listening to this song.
I'm trying so hard. Sighs. ='(
So many times, on the verge of breaking down...

" dont break.. dont break.. dont break.. you cant afford it. "