So, how has it been?
It's been rather difficult for me to move away from the person that i once was. From me not being able to NOT care. But i've been making an effort and it has been going alright so far.. i think..
Been meeting up with a few close friends and been feeling the immense stress of my final year under the UOL.
4 months till my first paper.
So after yesterday, i have decided to stop planning any meet ups for now.
*heh, as if tht can happen*
But i will try tho..
So yes, really soon, the commencement of my "Isolation from the World period" will take place. To be honest, i am far from ready to enter this whole time of the year all over again. =((( But i guess, time waits for no man and time is something that i cannot afford. SO, yes, will start being a completely lifeless nerd real real soon.. But in the meanwhile, i have left, a photoshoot and video shoot with my crew to look forward to and one last performance for a youth event this coming February. After tht, completely no dance till after the 10th of June. The day i finish and am done with Law School! :DD!!!
So yeah, besides tht, i've been doing alright i guess.
Been falling sick. Coz of the busy schedule and the hot hot weather.
But i've been making a real and proper effort at sleeping early and waking up early.
Been trying to spend my time more wisely and be more productive.. in studies, health, etc.
Let's just hope this would last and bear good fruit! =)
Friday, January 03, 2014
I have always tried to keep up with the big pool of friends that I have scattered all around. It's not easy trying to do so especially since I have the schedule of some big shot business man. No, I kid. But seriously, I'm a busy bee. A very busy one to the point of having no time for sleep!
Sleep! One of the most vital elements for a human being to function properly.
I try and try so hard to juggle everything with my two hands to the point of being worn out, almost completely at times.
Why do I do this to myself?
I rather meet up with people and try to squeeze them into my busy schedule despite not having enough time for my own self. Sometimes, I set aside time with studies, dance or family or even God! To spend time with these people or at least, to keep up with them.
Best part? Some of them never made an effort! It has always been a one way thing but yet! Because they are dear to me, I journey on, on this lonely one way street.
But why?! Why do you do this to yourself cykm?
Simply because, I choose to believe that they'll come through, one day. But sometimes, that day never comes, and I, being a normal human being, gets tired. Guess what happens when I stop making the initiative?
That's right. We drift apart. And sometimes, this inevitably makes me feel bad. And when I feel bad, this makes me feel obliged to approach them and to repeat this never ending cycle all over again.
Last year, sometime around December, something hit me really badly. Because I've never been more busy and I guess, time was never a luxury that I could afford. Hence, after being hurt and disappointed really badly, I've decided to just Stop. This. For. Good.
And what better way than to start the year afresh and to start now?
Hence, I have decided, that I will no longer spend.. Wait. Scratch that. Waste time, on people who don't deserve it, and start spending MORE time on the ones who do. I no longer want to feel bad and obliged. If we drift apart, so be it. It was never meant to be a one man conquest anyways. Even if I DO feel bad, I will refuse! to act on it. Because I guess it will take time discarding a part of me that has been as such for years. But no more.
As I grow older, my time becomes more and more limited and I guess, enough is enough.
I am going to start spending more time on the people who deserve it.
I will stop! Neglecting myself. I will try my utmost best to take better care of myself. *especially since I'm known for being the worst at self care*
And I will build stronger and healthier relationships that doesn't require me to forego what matters JUST because its a one way thing.
It is not going to be easy for me to allow myself to see these friendships and relationships fall and crumble after many years of time and effort especially since, I am one who treasures them a lot. But I guess, sometimes, you've jst got to do what you've got to do.