Sometimes, it's easier being alone.

Hey people..

It has been a pretty tough week of relationship issues for  me..
I've been close to the edge of giving up on having relationships with people..
(yes i know, very unlike me.)
Relationships in general.

I've been feeling this way..

"Sometimes, it's easier being alone.. "

It is, isn't it?
I dont know about your relationships, but the relationships that i have with people in my life takes a great deal of effort,time and yes, effort again. It comes with joy yet, it comes with a lot of pain as well.
I guess all relationships are pretty much as such.
Maybe that's why they're so special.

I am one who treasures all my relationships a lot.
Even though i am sometimes superrrrr busy, i still try my best to find time.
Because i guess.. Good relationships are really hard to come by these days.
It doesn't just happen. Sometimes it does. Well, it only starts out like that..
You know, if you click, you just click. But if you dont, u just dont.

U can't force something that just, isn't there.

But even if you click in the beginning, in the long run, it would still require time and effort.
It's never easy maintaining a relationship no matter how close you are to someone.
Never easy.

I guess, i've been really discouraged recently to mend relationships with the people around me. Either to mend or to maintain. Been hurt quite a lot recently.. involved countless flows of tears and heartaches. (Ps: not everything is about a boyfriend/partner Love kay. it could be amongst friends or family.)

Been going through a crazy emotional roller coaster ride.
And nopes, not enjoying a single bit of it. =(
I guess, if you keep getting hurt, over and over again.. before you can even heal or recover to be tough enough to take the next beating.. at some point, you'd just feel like letting go and giving up.

It's so much easier that way. So much easier to let go. Be alone. Do your own thing without the need to care about what other people think, don't have to bother or handle or be involved with unnecessary emotions.. pain and hurt..disappointment and sadness..

But i guess..this is only easier at times. Sometimes.

It's so tiring.
Especially when i am, most of the time, the one making the initiative. I can't always be the one making the initiative. I am human too.. and i will get tired. What then?
I was very close to giving up on caring. Caring about all these relationships that i have with people.
But being z tough cookie that i am..
I will pull through.
I wont give up that easily.
Even though it is painful and saddening.. at least i know that i still feel things.
Guess that's better than being numb.

xoxo.