Monday, October 10, 2011

Question is, Are u willing ?

Hey guys! it has been a very rollercoaster week. it definitely has.
Up up up up up dowwwwwn dowwwn dowwwwwn Up dowwwn Up downn.

well.. Ups.
I've been really blessed eversince my entry about the dance workshop and all. really. So many things have been happening and i've been receiving so mucn love and care and blessings both right infront of me and in disguise. and i really thank God for every single one of them.

But also, last week, grandma got admitted to the hospital because she was pretty sick and doctors felt that it would be safer and better for her to be in the hospital where there are nurses doing constant check ups and etc. so yeah.. was really worried for her..

and i have been reaaaalllyyy busy lately. and at one point of time, i felt really worn out. That feeling you get when you tell yourself.. "I am only one person." Sighs.. but yeah it was as if so many things were happening at the exact same time and i had to choose. This, or that? and it was so difficult for me to make these choices and the consequences following from those choices. blaaahs. and also, i was pretty stressed up that my skype meeting with kim keep getting canceled or delayed because of so many things coming up. it was so difficult for me! i miss her so much.. and i had sooo many things to tell her. but it all got bottled up inside till after a while, they all started disappearing one by one. =/ hmm.

so yeah .. and a few other issues la. which made me pretty down.

but also, at the same time, alot of good things have been happening to me.
and that is why i was and still am trying to not let bad things erase the good things so easily.

This quote really touched my heart.

The love of people often increases with performance and decreases with mistakes. Not so with God's love. He loves you right where you are. " - Max Lucado 

Isn't that so true?
the minute u make one mistake, all of a sudden, u became the person who never cared. something i went through quite recently.. and when i came across this quote.. i felt like it really related to me.

Also, i've been thinking about comfort.
You know how you are always on guard when your around people.. whether ur hair looks nice.. whether u are in shape.. whether u are pleasing to their eyes.. we can deny it all we want. But the truth is that we DO CARE about what others think. whether or not you realize it. thats just natural. a natural thing if u ask me. being self conscious. So yeah.. i was trying to list down the names of people whom i feel comfortable with. Where i can be in a total mess but have that secure feeling that even after what they have seen, they will still look at me in the same way, they will still love and care for me like how they have,all this while.

You see, i am a person who is yes, sociable and friendly and yada yada. but the truth is, i may seem to warm up to people very quickly. But to actually be comfortable with someone? it takes me a very long long time. where i'm alright showing you freaky faces and yet still know that you will look at me in the same way. Or showing you the side of me that not many people have seen. or even jogging, exercising, where i look all sweaty and lobster-fied. Truth is, i do care. and that is why i dont usually do sports with people i am not close to. You'd be surprise but think about how long you've known me. (to those who actually know me. lol. ) Ask yourself this question. Have i ever went swimming with you? Or jogging for that matter? or have u ever seen me all sweaty and eeeky and ewwwy?


there u have it.

So yeah. I realize, there are not many people who i can say, I find comfort in and i feel comfortable,whenever i'm around them. Please dont get me wrong. This doesn't mean that i am not close to you or you are any less. I still appreciate and treasure you like i always have. its just that, i realize how long it actually takes me to be fully comfortable with someone. =)

ie : to let someone brush of my fringe that covers my bigggg biggg forhead and yet smile.. without frantically putting my fringe back into position to cover that forhead of mine.

the little little things. =D

just a portion of my thoughts and a little insight of Celineeee Yap. =P

But honestly, the feeling you get, when you can be completely you, without being self conscious when you are with someone who is not a family member. that feeling? it is priceless. it feels sooo good. and i've not been able to feel that way for quite a while. Exceptions of certain people of course. haha.

anywaaaays~! i have a very exciting story to share with you today.
Today, i woke up late for church. Benroy and I usually go for the morning service at 8.30am because we have dance at 1pm. so if we go for the 11am one, we would have to leave early or be late for dance. So, we went for the 11am service today. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?! Pastor Julie started picking a few people from the congregation and asked them to go on stage. And i was one of them. =) guess what happened next?! I was asked to LEAD WORSHIP! :O ! i was totally caught off guard! i was so shocked! i didn't even know what songs they were singing, and when they told me, i only knew the 1st song! *gasp!* the rest of the songs was like.. " HAH? " for me! but the other thing that surprised me.. was the fact that..

You see, i lead worship last time. on a frequent basis in St.Pauls. but i stopped leading for almost half a year now. because i wanted to set things straight with God and to get back on track. and i didn't think it was right for me to lead a congregation when i myself, am lost. so that is why i stopped. but when i shifted church, after a few months, i wanted to start serving again. but this new church, is so big. and there are already so many people serving. i didn't see any opportunity for me to serve and so, i just kept quiet and went to church like the rest. But today, when this happened, I felt as if God was forcing me onto the stage and saying.. " NAH! Go! u were waiting for an opportunity? This is it Kah May. This is It ! It is time, walk through this door that i have just opened for you. take it, and use it well. " My God is truly amazing.

Seek and u shall find. Ask and you shall receive.

I realize how God is always there. He always is.
and when you ask him for opportunities? He will give it to you. But according to His time. and to His will. And like the title of this entry..

Question is, Are you willing?
Are you willing to go for whatever that is in store for you?
are you willing to grab that opportunity when God opens a door for you?
Are you willing?

Many of us ask. But we doubt.
If you yourself dont even believe in what you are asking for, My question to you is..

What then are you expecting?!

So yeah. Back to my story. It was just so amazing how God spoke to me today. it was such a blessing indeed. with totally no practice or anything... I lead my church in worship today. =) Definitely couldn't have done it without God's guidance. All Glory to God! This day, will definitely be a day, i will never forget. The way God spoke to me? one word. Amazing. =')

Also! i have been receiving quite a few early birthday prezzies!
ahhh.. I feel so loved! :)!
Honestly, when people ask me what plans i have for my birthday this year?
i seriously have no clue at all. HAHA. Go to Uni. and come home. =D
we'll see how this week turns out.
NOW. i have to charge up for Criminal Law in a few hours time!
bad bad baaad. sleeping late before criminal law. when will i ever learn?! =P


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