Thankful.

Yes, this is how my right foot looks like currently.. Since last saturday..
It has been so difficult moving around.. getting from point A to point B was such a difficult task.
People looked at me weirdly.. i felt like a disabled person.
It didn't feel nice.. especially when there was this dude starring at me 100 meters infront and i couldn't walk any faster to get out of his sight. To quickly get out of the way just so that i dont have to look at him starring at me. =.=! Or when a group of people were talking..blocking your way..and then they see me limping towards where they were standing, all of them would quickly make way for me to limp pass them.. with the 'oh oh let this poor old lady pass through first' expression. =( Felt like such an old lady! Goshh..

And because my uni dont exactly have a parking spot.. we'd normally have to park somewhere pretty far and walk to uni. So that was pretty difficult for me on Monday. What took me 10 minutes, took me 20 minutes that day. It was then when i realized how i've been taking for granted the luxury of having a good pair of legs. How it was so easy to get from one place to another..how i could walk properly, climb up and go down the stairs with such ease.. how i could drive without any pain..how i can dance with such energy all the time.. and etc. Simple things we do in our everyday lives but yet, so easily taken for granted. Probably because we've always had a good pair of legs ever since we were born. You wont ever truly treasure something till you've lost it. You don't know what you've got till its gone. So true.

But anyways, throughout this difficult week, i've also felt very happy and blessed. Loved and cared for. =) On Sunday, Yeow Wen helped me drive my car up to the church entrance just so that i didn't have to walk to my car. That was really nice and sweet of him! And I didn't even ask for help!
On Monday, Kok Huah walked all the way to where i parked after class and drove my car to the Second building so that i didn't have to walk so far again.. =))))))))) And while waiting.. Arvin helped hold my books and all.. Rachel helped me refill my bottle of water after class as well.. Suren called me to ask if i needed him to fetch me to class the next day.. or fetch me home or help me in anyway.. Kim drove me to uni on Tuesday and drove me around the whole week! Rachel teman me makan at our uni's cafeteria..which isn't the best place to eat.. =P just coz i didn't want to walk so far away to makan and she also purposely drove me to the first building after class so that i didn't have to walk..

I'm really blessed,cared for and loved. How can i not feel happy? =)
And not to forget all my other friends who have been praying for fast recovery! =) Thank you all so much for your prayers! It is during such times..times of difficulty when you find out who would go out of their way to help you when u need them. And when i do find out who they are, i keep them as close as possible because it is friends like these who deserve the title of a Friend.I wouldn't say True Friend.. because theres no such thing as a true friend or a fake friend. You're either a friend, or you're not. This is what friends do for friends! You dont only look for your friend when you need help from them but also help them in return when they need yours! It takes two hands to clap and it IS after all, a two-way relationship!

So Yeah.. I know now who my Friends are. =)
Thank you all for being there for me! You've no idea how much i appreciate all your help and concern. I am touched really. =')

Thank You, Lord, for blessing me with such good friends! Thank you for always looking after me..

I've felt truly thankful and happy this week.. =)
It has been a good week. =)

I will be blogging soon about the wish list on the right hand side of my bloggie!
Its time to discard the old and bring in the new! =P
October IS approaching, after all. *hint hint* nyahahahahaahaha~

xoxo.!

=(

I feel so crappy right now. =(

Twisted my ankle during performance.. D: and fell on my butt on stage for the first time ever, in Celine Yap's dancing History. T_T Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. =((((((((((( whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....................

=((((((((((((

Everything happened so fast but i have a good guess as to how i ended up twisting my ankle and falling down on stage. Ahh.. Not only embarassing but disappointing as well.. =( AND PAINFUL. T_T now i kenot dance tmr..and i hv to get btr asap before the next show.. Haihs..

SIGHS... BIG SIGHS..... =(

its funny hw i still continued doing the moves while i was sitting down on my butt..then suddenly realized..eh wht u doing faster get up then only do the move lar! walaoeh.... =.=.................seriouslyyyy maaaaaaaan. but prolly coz i was in pain at tht time as well. But like always, the show must go on! So i further injured my ankle after tht..and now after performance.. i cannot walk properly.

And also pretty upset and down about something else..
Sighs. =(
how. what should i do.

Money doesn't make the world go round but whoever told you that money wasn't important was prolly living in self denial. Sighs. No matter what, money will ALWAYS play an important role in the lives of us Man kind. This is just how it is.

Sighs...

bye.

Friends.

No matter how 'good' of a friend someone may appear to you..
Not many can actually really fit into such a category.
Most people just put up a front.
But when their own benefits are at risk, when their own pockets are concerned, they turn on you. Their true colours are shown and it is then when u realize hw 'good' of a friend they actually are.

And that is why, it is true when they say that Good Friends are hard to come by. When you do, keep them close.

I've experienced many friendships/ 'friendships' where they're all close n buddy buddy with you during the good times. But when you're in need, they push you aside. It is disappointing,upsetting and painful. It always is. When someone turns out to be someone totally different. Someone you thought you can rely on but u thought wrong.

That is why i've always held on to the term..
"Quality more than Quantity"

I rather have a few good and close friends who i can rely on and at the same time, be the person they could come to with their problems. I rather have a few good friendships than a bucket full of 'friendships'. Whats the point? waste of time and effort. Not worth it. I take my friendships very seriously and i hold them all close to the heart. I really put in alot of time and effort into my friendships and i really appreciate the people who do the same for me. I would go all out for a good friend though most often than not, not all of them would do the same for you. Then again, sometimes its best not to have expectations. But i'm human. How can i not have expectations? Kid myself not. I would at least have SOME expectations, though i try not to have HIGH expectations.

It is also very difficult sometimes to differentiate the real ones from the fake ones. Some people are just born to be such good actors and actresses! That is the part where you get hurt.

But i guess it is during your times of struggle when you find out who are your true friends.
You'll get hurt, finding out the truth about some people.
But at the same time, you'll be blessed to know who the true,genuine and sincere ones are.

Sometimes, not a single person would be there for you and sometimes, it turns out that everyone was just an acquaintance rather than a so called friend. I guess that is the point where you'd really feel like crap and all.. feel so unworthy and all.. feel so unwanted and all.. yada yada blada blada..

But dont forget that theres always at least, one person.
I guess you prolly know where im headed to by now.
But yes, it is God himself. He is always there and he never changes.
Yesterday,today,tomorrow the same. He never fails us.
He doesn't love us more because of our worldly achievements nor does he love us less because of the sins we commit.
Unlike Humans, God's love doesn't depreciate just because of a wrong doing or a mistake we make along the way. It takes forever for us to earn the trust of Humans.. to earn their love.. but the minute we do something wrong, this love from man could easily turn to hatred. A love, apparently so strong and sincere.. could turn to hatred, Just like that.

But God's love is unconditional.

Dont you forget, When You were a nobody in the eyes of the world, You were Someone in the eyes of God. For it is Him who first found us and not us, who first found Him.

Sometimes i tend to rely on Humans too much. I set too high of an expectation on them and always end up getting hurt in the end. Because the truth is, no matter how close of a friend or a family member someone is to you, they'll disappoint you somewhere somehow sometime. Humans, we're all not perfect. We all have our flaws.. we all have our sinful nature. And hence, God is the sole person you could ever fully rely on. Because he is God and He is all powerful and Perfect. He is Holy and he is Flawless.

He. Is. God.

He should be our cornerstone. He should be our solid rock that we fall on and fall back to all the time. He should be our shelter and our tower of refuge and strength.

True happiness doesn't come from man.. but it is from God where true happiness,love and Joy is found.
God gives and God can take.
Before you try to be right before any human being, Be right before God.

This is gonna be off topic... But..

Before you try looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, Be the Right person FIRST, before God.

I guess in the end, God is the only one who we should ever care of pleasing and seek approval from.
Not all of you would understand whatever i'm trying to say or why i'm saying whatever i'm saying.
But i wanna share with you, my testimony.

That when many times man and woman failed me.. both insignificant ones and significant ones in my life, God was always there to mend my broken heart. God was always there to comfort me with His love and assurance that I am Loved.. regardless of what i've done.. or what people think of me. God has changed my life in many ways that i can and cannot explain. I have experienced God in the most amazing ways and even after all i've done in life and on earth, God still looks after me.. and I know that this is true because every single thing that has happened in my life, has taught me to always slip away to Jesus..to slip away to God when the world is overwhelming and consuming me. He has always reminded me from time to time to slip away to Him like Jesus did when he was busy healing and sharing the Word of God. Jesus always found time to go back to God despite of the crazy workload he had on his hands. During my lowest points in life, God always reminded me that He is God and that He is Able.

That He is my Rock and my Cornerstone.
God hears our prayers, friends.
But how often do you listen? Are you listening hard enough?
Are you patient enough? And when you pray, do you even have Faith in whatever you're praying for?
And what is praying to you? Isit like a wish to a fairy god mother kinda thing? if so, i'm sorry to disappoint you but prayer is not as such. I dont know what prayer is to you, but to me..

Prayer is about leaving whatever you're praying for into the hands of God.
And whatever He chooses to do with it, He shall.
It is then when you have to have Faith in Him..and to know that He is Able and that He only has plans to prosper us and not to harm Us.

I have prayed many times and many times, my prayers have not been answered. I pray still. I listen still. Because many times when i cry out to my Father in heaven.. when i am in pain.. when i am broken..and in tears.. I know He hears me..because He has come to my rescue..many many times. And that is why i know that He hears us.

This entry was suppose to be a short one abt Friends and 'Friends'.
But turns out there was more than just that to be shared in the end. haha. I'm sorry if you think i'm long winded. Guess i get carried away sometimes.. but whatever was 'penned' down was definitely thoughts and feelings from deep within.. =)

I hope you learnt something.
I apologize for the out-of-topic-ness sometimes..
and the messy flow.. but i was just really typing out whatever as it came flowing.. haha..
Quite a jumbled up flow of thoughts today i guess..

Till nxt time!
xoxo.!

Back to Books and Classes!

Hey all! :)

So how has it been going back to books and classes after a 3 month break?

Well, to be honest, i've yet to get back my studying mode. haha.. 

But so far so good. I was pretty nervous a day before starting 2nd year.

You knw tht feeling when new empty lecture pads and stationaries were the only things u were bringing to uni? with no textbooks or whatsoever? haha yeah. Felt like the first day of school all over again!

Sat at the same place as well! Its as if things remained the same as last yr. People with their own clicks..the row they all sat in.. everything felt the same! Except, of course, for a few new faces. Other than that, many many many more new juniors. Suddenly felt so old when a bunch of freshmans saw the books i was carrying and went, "Oh! You're our senior! Hi senior! " hahaha..

Also, ahh..those dreaded tiny 'tables'.. dropped dunno hw many stationaries tht day.. pfft.. 

And parking. yes parking was horrible..not to mention the fact that all my classes are all super early this year. Super early = Having to go through the horrible Morning Jam! rush hour~~ Life.
And on the second day of 2nd yr, i reached uni at 8am to later find out tht classes only starts at 11.30am. =.=.............. and classes were gonna end only at 5.30pm! contrary to what my timetable said = 9am- 1pm ! BIG DIFFERENCE RIGHT?! They came out with a new timetable without informing the students.. =.=! Zzzz... so yeah, by the time it was 4pm, i super KO edy.. brain dead~

Other than that, Uni has been fine. Subjects this year are definitely more complex and bulky. No time for Play if i wanna do well.

But at the same time, HyperActive has been performing quite alot lately! One performance after another! So its practise practise practise.. perform perform perform and before our bodies get to heal and recuperate, its the same whole routine all over again.

Here's a picture taken at one of our performances!
I really like this picture! To be honest, the first time i saw this picture.. the first thing that came to my mind was.. " Peek-a-Boo! I see Youuuu~~! " hahahahahaha~ Super peekaboo la this picture! =P But also, this picture reminds me of how happy i am when i'm dancing. It reminds me of my Passion for dance over the years and its amazing to see how far i've come. When i look back at how and when i started up till now, i can only stand in awe of God's amazing plans that he has for my life. I am very blessed to have to come to where i am today. How many people get such an opportunity out of the blue? And if i look closely at every event and circumstances that has occur in my journey thus far, i can see how every event had let me to where I am today. How everything that happened, truly happened for a reason. It all fits and it all matches up! I can only smile and be thankful for all the things God has bestowed upon me. That God has blessed me with. 

Here are some other pictures of HyperActive! =D

From the top left : See Eleven,Benroy Yap,Celica,Jonathan Tan, See Seven.
From bottom left: Ng YingYing, Celine Yap, Tan Yuki. =)

It has been great growing with you guys and it has been great going through both good and hard times together. It's always easy starting a crew but its never easy maintaining one. I can only pray and hope for the best of HyperActive's future! But as long as we're still tight and one big family who shares the same Passion, let us not take for granted the fact that we're in a very good place right now. =)
I love you HyperActives! :))

Us in 2010 ! Before we were a crew!

Us 2 years later! As HyperActive Zone @ our very first competition as a crew!

HyperActive Zone! Haha~ the very start of HyperActive!

And now we're more than Just HyperActive Zone, we're part of something bigger with greater plans!

=)

So proud of all of us HyperActives! Jia you jia you for our upcoming shows! Its gonna be a very busy time for the remaining months of 2012! We can do this! =))

And oh! lookie what i gottie~

An early bday prezzie for mie! :D
Loving the colour!! 

And while i'm down with a very painful sore throat, cough and fever, i best be resting in bed if i wanna give my all for the upcoming performance on saturday! 

till nxt time! =)
xoxo.!

The end of my Summer already?!

Time flew time flew time flewwwwww~~~!

In a few hours, i will be back in my uni.. back in the lecture halls..sitting in those red black chairs with super small 'tables'. Shoooooo annoying maaan! so annoying! We're law students, we have to open alot of books when we study, we write tonnes of stuffs hence the many papers and pens and all.. and sooo! because of the super small.. 'table'.. my things fall to the floor.. ALL THE TIME.. and because i am made the way i am.. with .. well.. not so long hands and legs.. i have to get out of my chair to pick em up! isssshhhh! but thank God for nice friends ..who are..well, tall.. hahaa.. and long.. they can easily just bend a lil to pick em up for me.. so yeah.. guess its all good with the chairs and their tiny tables. =P

But its also back to all the jam and all the hassle of finding parking! *cries* its almost impossible to find a parking spot that wouldn't put a hole in your pocket! I am seriously considering to take the ktm again.. But my precious time would be put to no good use! blehhh...guess we just cant get the best of both worlds!

What can i say about my summer 2012?
one word. AMAZING!

If given a chance, i wouldn't want to change a single thing or a single choice i've made this summer.
I do not regret at all, how i chose to spend this summer.

This summer break has been one to remember.
Probably the best summer break i've ever had, thus far!

I got to perform in Genting for a whole week..it was such a crazy experience!!
it was an honour too! it was an experience to rmb! Also the time we all started getting fans and all.. wow.. =) definitely was a week to rmb! never danced so much in my life before weih! hahaha.. 7 constant..and i mean.. constant days of dancing!
Then i spent 2 amazing weeks in Perth, Australia!
it was such an awesome trip! The sceneries were amazing! the food! the people! the kuala bears and the kangaroos! the double rainbow! the many rainbows! the amazing sun rise and sun set! the most beautiful beach i've ever seen! the amazing night sky! My first time being able to actually see the milky way! how awesome is that?! My first time buggy riding! u know, riding through the bushes and all? ahha.. tht was the moment i had the most adrenaline rush during my trip! =P Thank God i did not demolish a tree tho. =PP My brother did tho. HAHA. Pro Lady Driver! Manual k.. manual. BOO YAH! =P

It was a childhood dream come true!
eversince i was a lil girl, i told myself that my first overseas trip would definitely be to Aussie! And so i saved up! also, because i was blessed and because AirAsia was having superb promotions and all! God made this all possible! I had the time of my life! =')

Then there was more performances with HyperActive... a closer and stronger bond between us was formed.. hence, ticking/slashing out one of my wish on the wish list! =))) we're like the HyperActive Family now. hahaa.. so awesome kan? =)

Then i had a trip to Penang with the bestfriend! Ahhh..it was such a great week! Just us two.. spending quality twin time together! =P =D =) The food so amazing! so glad we gave penang a second chance!!

Then there was of course, work work work work work to earn back whatever i've spent!
also, realization that these kinda jobs were no longer my cup of tea. Finally decided to officially quit this line after 2 years! And im off to something new! =) we'll see.

Then there was JB! not many days.. but still, it was good. =)

And all the catching up with everyone everywhere was just really good.
so glad i got to meet up with almost everyone i owed an outing to!
To the dear dear friends that i've yet to meet! Pls be patient with me! slowly but surely!
I promise you, we will meet soon! before 2012 ends! =P

Met so many new friends throughout this summer as well!
So happy with all the new friendships!

Of course, i had a few bumpy rides along the way.
But this summer was also filled with many jumps of joy, smiles and laughter too! =D

and ahhhh.. My results! Happy with that too! and i got a new study table, book shelf and a celebration dinner with my family for getting good results! Hehe.. =) i knw i knw. So funny getting a study table and book shelf right? BUT I LOVE IT! u have no idea how happy i am with that gift from dad! coz firstly, its from my dad! haha. secondly, i really needed a proper study table that was spacious enough! too many books.. seriously.. haha.. so yesh!

and many many other happy events/memories this summer. cant really type everything down! those were just the highlights! hahaa.. i'd be blogging forever if i continue further.. and its already 1am! ahhh.. bad bad bad. Was suppose to sleep at 12am, LATEST! because i wanna be fresh and alert for my first day back at Uni! =P waking up at 6am plus weih! crazy. so early. T_T This will force me to sleep earlier now. haha. The management purposely put all our classes sho early this yr! *cries* ALL super duper early morning classes. sighs.. but its good in a way as well la.. i guess..

So this was suppose to be a short entry but..  guess i got carried away. =P
Wokay! enough!

I feel so unprepared for tomorrow/later!
feels like the first day of school, all over again! nervoussss~
No textbooks. Just plain empty lecture pads and stationeries!
All packed and all set. :D
Now, all i have to do is to just sleep, and wake up... on time. hahaa..

Cant believe 2nd year of Law school will begin in just a few hours.
Summer went by waaaaaayyyy too fast! I guess time just flies when you're having fun huh? ;)
*inhales* Here i come!

xoxo.!

The truth is,

The truth is, someone might mean a whole lot to you, but to them? you're just another friend.
You might lose precious hours of sleep listening to their problems.. yadayada but when it comes to you, they just wouldn't do the same. U might drive out, go totally out of your way to help this friend and really odd hours..wee hours in the morning. But the truth is, they would not do the same for you.

I'm not pin pointing this entry at anyone so please dont be perasan and terasa and all k?

this is just a conclusion i have derived after having such a crappy week with tonnes of unnecessary issues with a few friendships of mine. The ones that i treasure and sincerely care for.

Sometimes it is so hard, trying to be selfless, putting the feelings of others before your own.
because in the end, a good friend would set aside their feelings when they know that their friend is not in the right state of mind or in the best situation. They just need you at that point, to pick them up when they're falling down.

A good friend, would throw the truth in your face whether you'd like to hear it or not REGARDLESS of what you may think of them after doing so.
Because a good friend cares more about your well being than what you may think of them. A good friend wont just want to please your ears but they want you to walk in the right direction. And if there are things in you that requires fixing, they would let you know and try fix it together with you.

Sometimes, regardless of how busy you are, you'd devote your precious time for these people you call friends. Because if they mean something to you, you'd find the time, somehow..sooner or later. but if they're not, simple. U just start giving all kinds of excuses.

Sometimes u might sacrifice a whole lot for a friend, but they either dont appreciate it/take it for granted or they just dont care and they wouldn't do the same for you. Simple, you dont really mean much to them.

I for one really dislike being ffk-ed.
i'm a very busy person. & when i allocate time for you, u must mean smth to me.
But for u to just sudd ffk me for a bad reason goes to show how much you value my time/ me as a friend.
No one likes being ffk-ed. but for me, I'm just really particular about being ffk-ed. I REALLY...dont like it. & it really pisses me off when it happens. truth be told.

sighs..

idk la. this week has been such a LOOOONG week. I just feel so tired and fed up.
some ppl might not appreciate your effort and sacrifices as a friend and would rather blindly adore the so called friends. Some might even accuse you when all you ever had in mind were good motives. But ah well. i guess this is just one of the many realities of life kan?

Some people just dont appreciate you.
So why bother? Simple, you care for them.
Isn't it hurtful/painful tho? Fo Sure!
But its okay. one day. one day. i'd like tho think that they'd finally come to their senses. one day, they'd finally realize that..oh crap. She was a good friend and i took her for granted. She was a true friend and i took her for granted.

Can be so disappointing and upsetting as well.
But thank God, not all my friends are like that.
i'd rather have a few good friends than a thousand 'friends'.

And then theres this opposite sex barrier btw friendships.
so annoying.
very annoying.
but sometimes, u just cant do anything about it.
and then one way or another sooner or late you'd have to deal with the weirdness/awkwardness that somehow arises out of no where.. due to other people or the person in the friendship. And then you'd have to confront the matter.. and then the friendship either makes or breaks.. and the cycle then repeats itself with the same or different people.

is this really how it'd continue to go on?
is there somehow a different route to all of these issues?

This is so tiring.

My Turtle moment.

Quite a few things happened yday. No, not just matters involving guys. Psssh.

But today, i woke up having the.. I dont wanna go out of my shell for a while! feeling.
I just feel like curling up into my shell and stay put for a while.
Quite a few unnecessary matters have been happening and i'm just so..
ahhhh i dont wanna deal with all these unnecessary matters for a while.
I just wanna have a peaceful week.. before 2nd year starts.

I honestly feel like isolating myself from the world..
And just live in my shell for a while with My small circle of ppl.

On a side note..

U see.. i happen to be a really friendly girl.
Why must people always think of a guy and girl who are close to be an item?
Why does the society of today still have such a closed mindset?
Can't a guy and a girl just be nothing more than just close friends?
isit such a hard picture to digest?

And why do guys/girls have to just have this..
" *gasp!* i think he/she likes me! " thinking when the other person was being nothing but friendly?
Why can't you accept the fact that there are people out there who are actually genuinely just.. really.. friendly? Why must there always be something more when in actual fact, there isn't?

Why must u go..

"Ohhhhh my goodness! He/she is being so friendly! i think he/she likes me! :D :D :D! or :O :O :O! "

And then you either start showing back hints of interest or u start ignoring and disappearing from that person's life?

Its so frustrating lah!
Why can't there be just a simple good and clear friendship between people of the opposite sex?
why must there always be something more?
Why must there always be a level 2?
why cant it just stay at level 1?

I think the problem to such situations would most probably be.. communication.
Probably a huge misunderstanding or rather, a huge mistaken assumption..
People nowadays really dont like to talk abt it huh?
like they dont really want to ask or somehow talk abt it.. they just want to assume.
Assuming is such a dangerous thing to do maaaans.. seriously..

Have u never heard of the phrase that goes..

" When you ASSUME.. u make an Ass out of U and Me?! "

Okay. Maybe i'm just being really exaggerative. But ahh.. this is just something i needed to get off my chest. I guess not everyone can express themselves properly and everyone is different in their own special and unique ways. Then again, this matter has really been frustrating me throughout the years..

I thought such assumptions would leave me by the time i was out of highschool..
turns out, it follows you still! till.. i really dont know when.

I guess it just frustrates me to the core that some people just cannot accept the fact that some people out there just want to genuinely and sincerely be JUST friends.

You know? Like a steady friend? Not an interested friend?
To the guys and girls out there, yes they actually exist!
not everyone wants to be your girlfriend or boyfriend.
Am i being too harsh? Sorry if i am. I'm just ...... NYEH.!

But dont get me wrong! It is different when a girl or guy becomes OVER friendly.
Ahh okay fine. Sometimes IT IS really hard to differentiate.. Even more difficult when that person is just genuinely, Nice. It's so hard to tell the difference. You just cant tell. But sometimes u can? IDK. T_T but it DOES help when u confront the matter rather than just assume right? aiyohh... i dont know laaaah.

but ahhhhhhhhhhh.. its frustrating. D:
Okay. Off my chest.

Its gonna be my turtle moment for a while.
I think i need to retreat to my shell.

K, Bye!

xoxo.!

Life.

U know, often Life is about taking chances and making the right choices.

of course, we do end up making some very bad choices but it is both the bad and good choices that leads us to where we are today.

A few questions & statements ran through my mind this week.

#1. Why would someone risk everything for just one person/thing if that thing/person cannot,may not, would not give/bring you any promises in the future?

But in the end, i guess thats why they call it a "Leap Of Faith" .

I guess many of us would not have moved from wherever we were before this had we not make such leaps of faith. 

That leap can bring you forward, or it may tear u down.. for all you know, this leap may actually destroy u, badly. But can you actually go on leading your life with the "What Ifs" pilling up as you continue your journey in life? hahaa. I know i cannot. I guess i'm the person who'd rather find out than to keep on wondering endlessly what could've been if I had grab this opportunity, make this choice, take this chance, take that risk, etc. It may bring me down, deep. But i guess this is all just parts and parcels of life. 

U fall, you get up and try again.

This might be totally unrelated or somehow related with whtever i said above, but...

I have a lot of guy friends and some of them, i'm really close to.

But sometimes when 2 ppl of the opposite sex becomes too close, most often than not, a line has to be drawn between these two individuals.

I'm a person who really values and treasures my friendships.

And so, sometimes when i get too close with a guy and there may be possibilities that certain special feelings may exist, i have these 'talks' with them. If i like that guy too, why not kan? happy me! But what if i just really like this guy as a FRIEND and nothing more?

I really dislike it when my guy friends are lead on by these girls who takes advantage of a guy who is in a vulnerable state. So i always try my best not to be like these girls. And so, as mentioned above, i have these talks with them. 

Sometimes, I succeed in preventing the fall of a friendship.

But sometimes, i'm just plain perasan! lol..

and it really hurts my ego. Yes, it does okay! Imagine this, U hv these "do u like me" talks with ur guy friends and in the end, it turns out that u were just thinking wayyyyy too much and being nth but perasan! Very memalukan okay! very very very very!

But i still do it, up till today. 

Why so? Because if i think the friendship is worth it, i'm willing to dive in.. whether shallow or deep, i'm willing to put aside my pride and ego, my maruah, throw it one side and just make things clear between me and this friend that i obviously care for. Even if there is a possibility that i might just end up making a fool outta myself, i know that in the end, it is worth it. =)

Though i must say, It does take a lot to put oneself in such a vulnerable state!

it really does!

Then again, if i'm taking these chances and making these choices for someone who matters, i would.

Why wouldn't i?

Sometimes, some things and some people are more important than our pride and ego. Sometimes, its really not about how we feel but more of what is the right thing to do. 

And this leads us to that phrase where we should not be led by our emotions and where our actions should not be determined solely on how we feel.

Z Reality of Life!

And lil bits and pieces of I. =)

and oh, i've been having a pretty rocky week. Bumpy ride indeed. But i'm still here.

xoxo.!