i've been away for so long!
okay.. 11days. BUT. still very long leh! hahaha.. =P
Anyways! EMO MUCH in the recent entries hey?
haha.. yeaaah maaaaan.. SOOO MUCH SHIT has been happening..
seriously. if u knew the other side of my life..
You'd think its a movie. Aihhs...
and thats why many times i say to myself..
if i were to write a book about my life..
it'd be one interesting book to read!
but seriously.. Although im a worship leader in church..
i dance, i go for outreaches, i serve..
i go church every sunday.. i read my bible..
I honestly have yet to grow so much more in my Faith..
in my walk with God.
I'd say i'm still a baby being fed milk from a bottle..
siggghhhs.. =( i'd say i stopped growing for a while..
stunted growth. pfft..
You know, there were times total shit happened..
my emotions super disturbed..whether angry/sad/hurt..
and so many times in the pass weeks.. whenever some shit happened..
the day i read my bible,it'll be totally something SUPER..
how do i put this? super relevant to my situation..
like if i was super pissed off.. with someone..
suddenly the verse.. "be quick to listen,slow to speak,slow to anger"
would appear. and it makes me feel so.. its just so difficult!
when you are so angry and u read tht.. and yes, yes of course you'll feel like.. ohmy! this is NO coincidence! But then you're so angry u just ignore the verse and say.. okay i will i will.. but u never ..
if u get wht i mean..
its like i tell myself. okok i will settle this later. but later never came. and i dare admit, there was once, a paticular verse was SO TOTALLY not a coincidence and i was like.. gonna explode..volcano gonna happen and everything and im at war with myself and my emotions and everything.. and when i saw the verse, i said to myself, "nvm lah. its nt everytime u read this and tht and so happen its relating to what ur situation is ..but its just teachings of the bible.it doesnt mean u have to immediately follow and obey wht it says." and i just told myself, no i cannot. im sorry but i cannot do whtever im reading..i cannot..
and one day i just spent my few hours thinking.. and u noe wht? i realized that, those times when the verses were relating to my situation.. It was God talking to me. Through the Bible. Through HIS word. And His word is not merely teachings but Orders from God. I know order sounds like a very Big word and some may think, oh God's ordering you. But thats just who He is. He IS GOD. and when i did wht i did, it wasn't just not following the word. it was also considered as Disobedience. it was as good as me telling God, No God, i cant do this and thats final.
its like a child telling the father, NO. i wont go to school and thats final. or NO, i WILL go to my friends party, I will drink all i want and I WILL go do this and that even though i know its wrong whether you like it or not because thats just what i want to do.
I felt so bad after that. I realized, gosh, it was as good as me telling God, hey man, look, ur teachings are good and all , but Im sorry, it just doesn't work for me.And i cant do it. its too hard.
whoever said that Life on Earth would be easy? whoever said that once u have God in your life, your journey in life would be a smooth sailing one? Sighs.
i seriously have tonnes and loads of fixing up to do.
to fix up myself within. to get myself straight again.
to get back on my walk with God.
sometimes its just SO HARD! but i guess, these are challenges in life that we must face and overcome. I've no idea how i'm gonna fix the problems that i have in my life right now. i've no idea how i'm suppose to fix things. because everytime i want to, suddenly when i have the opportunity to do so, i'd just throw it away. and more anger builds up. more ill feelings bottle up. i really need God to go through this with me.
so besides my war with myself,
I've finally stopped all forms of Jobs.
I've stopped working, yes. FINALLY.
its time i go full force on my studies. Exams are in another 4 months.
and thats Not long, AT ALL.
i've just gotten my AS results.
I got straight B's. 3B's.
i expected at least 1 or 2 A's for my Cambridge A-levels.
But i guess, now i know where my standard is in the UK standards.
and Guess wht? All my B's are 3 marks, 4 marks away from getting an A.
Coz on our results slip, they give us both Grades and Marks.
Geram? Abit lah.. but i guess that just shows that i've still hope..
so i really gotta bust my ass for my A2 exams..
and get my 3A's for the end results.
coz they Will take the AS results plus the A2 results..
and get the average. And according to my lecturer..
My results are good enough to push up to Straight A's.
So thats gonna be my Goal.
I WANT MY 3A's !
And thats not an option. =)
i'm gonna lifeless study after the CNY hols.
and im not sure if i should get a laptop before my exams.
lol. Exams/finals starts on MAY 27.
so hmmm.. shall decide soon.
Dancing tho? yes im still dancing. =)
exercising? oh boyyy.. i've not done tht in the pass 2 weeks plus.
and when i went to CHC to dance that day the crunches..
the crunches.. oh maaaaaaan.. did so many right..
when i lie down on my bed,when i wanna get up..
SAKIT GILER WEIH! LOL. hahahahaa.. yeah.. become AMMA edy..
and my muscles aching and all.. but thats cool lah..
i gotta get back and be fit again. =P
i dunno how or when to slot in time for exercises..
but i'll sort it out. =D
and and and, im so totally gonna start breaking again.
i became noob-er that the noob i was last time edy lorh!
so gotta make a come back. =P
till i dunno when, Happy Chinese New Year everyone!
those travelling, do have a safe journey back. =)
With God, All things are Possible.
DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELVES WITH OTHERS.
BUT COMPARE YOURSELVES WITH THE WORD.