Life at Its Present.

So how has life been after all the crazy training and practices and juggling came to an end?

Honestly, It has been a whole week of bumming.
I guess i hardly got enough rest the past month till this week, when i tried to "repay" my debts of sleep, *which obviously does not work most of the time* i found myself being even more tired. haha. gosssh. I am honestly still trying to find a proper time and place to do my notes and to study because Home? doesn't seem like a very good idea at the moment.

Anyways, that's not what i really wanted to blog about anyways.

So on Friday, we had 7 new people in cf! yayyy! *claps hand~!* This lawyer, a friend of Peter's came to share. At first, i felt like mmm okay.. nothing that i dont already know.. mmhmm yes yes mmhmm.. AND THEN, i suddenly saw whatever he was talking about, relating to myself.

He gave this example. How lets say, this person 'A', decides, alright! i'm gonna fast and pray over the week from sunday up till monday! so on the first 3 days, you'd go on fasting, without having any expectations.. and then by friday, you'd be expecting at least a lil something good to happen in your life. at this point, i thought, " neh, i wouldn't think so. " Then he went on, why friday? because for the first 3 days, you'd think, oh Lord i am such a sinner, oh lord, i am not good enough, i am not 'holy' enough to receive any good things from you, etc. but by friday, you'd somehow have the mindset that, "Mmm..i think i am better and more 'holy' compared to me, on Sunday. " and slowly, you'd start to feel, since that now i am sort of 'closer' to God because i've been spending time with him the whole week, i think i am more deserving now of whatever blessings he has in store for me. * also by this point, i was like, nah, i know better than to think in such a manner. *

Then he continued. We humans somehow tend to think that we have to EARN whatever blessings that we get from God. that oh, when i spend more time with God, i'll be more deserving compared to me going on facebook all the time. We'd think, Hey God, i'm good now. i've changed and i've been good all this while, i've been reading your word, etc etc. And deny all you may, but somewhere deep inside of you, you'd feel.. " Now.. yes now i think i at least deserve it. " And suddenly, this all started relating to me.

You see, when i was in form 4 and form 5, whenever friends went on class trips to genting, port dickson etc, i'd always decline them and say, wait, wait till after our spm results come out, and if i do well, i think i'd have a higher chance of joining you guys. So FINALLY! after all my waiting, results came out and i got 7As and 3Bs. i thought to myself, it's pretty alright i guess. Parents should be alright with my results.Nothing to be proud of but at least its average i guess, i think they'd let me go on the upcoming genting trip *something i've always wanted to do with my classmates/friends* But what happened then? Up till today, i still dont understand why, but after results came out, they didn't say they weren't please but for dont know what reasons, they became more strict with me going out and all. i could hardly go out after SPM and obviously, the trip was an impossible mission. I was so puzzled. i remember once, i got so upset and mad till i kept asking myself.. " WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?! BEING A GOOD GIRL AND BEING A REBELLION CHILD? You still have such a tight rein on me, even when i have nothing left to study for the moment, you wouldn't let me out. So whats the difference?! haven't i been good enough to have earned your trust to go out on trips with my friends? haven't i waited patiently till all my priorities and obligations for secondary school have been fulfilled to actually go up to you, think that Hey, if they're pleased, i should be able to go! =D! Might as well be a rebel and do whatever i want and live the life i want rather than be a good girl and STILL get tied down like this. "

And heh.. i remember once when i wanted to have a boyfriend but parents always gave me the " graduate first " excuse. same thing, i went " Haven't i been good enough to show you that i know what my priorities are? have you not known me long enough to trust that i would be able to keep up my grades? Because i honestly dont think me having a bf would actually affect my studies.."

Yes yes a few of my honest feelings and thoughts.. stuffs that i've never said out before.

So back to that lawyer guy, wasn't whatever he said exactly the same like what i've experienced before? "I always had the, I'm such a good girl, what more do you want from me?" thought. I always felt that they should trust me more and give me more freedom etc etc JUST BECAUSE.. i have been good.

Friends let me tell you this, Unlike humans, God's love does not decrease with bad behaviour nor does it increase with Good behaviour. It is by Grace and not by works. NO ONE, is ever worthy of His love, of Jesus, dying on the cross for all of our sins. Who are we but mere dust that the son of God should go through all these suffering and pain?

It is by Grace. You can never Earn his forgiveness, his love, his salvation. It is given freely, but it didn't come cheap. We were spared, at the expense of Jesus Christ, being tortured, discriminated, put down, pierced, you name it.

So what do you actually expect from your parents when you are being so called.. "the ideal" daughter or son? What do you expect from your parents when you get good results ? Money? Gifts? rewards? for what? Who are you studying for? Your parents? Oh surely not. What do they gain besides bragging rights, really? It is all for yourself, your future. And when you are at your best behaviour, Isn't that how all children should be? *sadly, the word Should, should be emphasized* Obedient, respectful, regardless of who is right and who is wrong, discipline, having their priorities right, fulfilling your responsibilities as a child, a student.

And what is this idea of " I am older now, You should leave me to do whatever i want, i make my own choices and decisions now, you should not talk to me as if i were a child still, You should give me the respect a young adult should get, you should listen to whatever i have to say.. etc"

To a certain extent, indeed as we grow older, we no longer like to be treated like a child. Common stuffs.

Then again, does it mean that you should gain a higher level of respect just because you are older? that you can just speak rudely to them just because you are, 'older'? Haha, dont forget, as YOU get older, so do they! You can view this anyway you want to. But from a personal point of view, No matter how old you are, you are STILL, their child and they are STILL your parents. And thus, whether they are right or wrong, they are STILL your parents. Like how they put it, "customers are always right, your boss is always right" I feel that, yes, although as we get older, we would most definitely like to gain a higher level or respect, but that is something not for you to ask for. Do you have to respect your parents? YES! without a question! Because you are, you ARE, their child. BUT! whether or not your parents want to give you the respect you think you deserve is and will always be totally up to them! Of course, how parents treat their kids would always reflect in how their kids treat them in return but since when equality existed between a parent and a child? You want equality between male and female? fine. Go ahead, to a certain extent. But something this generation has gone overboard with? equality amongst Parents and Children. Like i've said before, some things are better left untouched. Equality between a parent and a child would cause chaos man! Imagine YOUR KID having the beef to tell you that " hey you! you, me? we're no different! I can do whatever you do, treat you however you treat me, etc. " No different your head lah. Goodness sake..and then these people always give the lame excuse, Oh my dad act like that so ok la, i have all the rights to act like that. =.=.. so what? he jump you jump ah? Zzzzzz. I'm pretty sure you have a brain of your own to think better than that.

 It is good in certain ways that kids nowadays are learning to speak up for their rights etc. Though, i really disagree to the idea of teens nowadays constantly arguing and fighting with their parents and being all rude to them.

This is really hard and this is something I, myself, is still trying to incorporate but sometimes, even though you are right, you dont have to prove or show that you are right.

does that make sense?

regardless of whatever the matter is, They will always always be your parents. I'm pretty sure that when you have your own kids someday, you'd like your kid to respect you all the way until your last breath regardless of their age or their status in life. No?

Likewise, no matter how old you are, dont forget that they are the ones who fed you.
Of course, this does not apply to every family or child. You may have your own personal set of issues in your family or with your parents. Nevertheless, your parents, will always be your parents. Your parents, would be the reason why your in this world and that is something you can never run away from. Your parents dont owe you anything. All these gifts and rewards are something that the world has injected into the minds of children that this is what parents OUGHT to do.

And oh, to all you kids,teenagers,young adults out there? As long as you're living under their roof, their support.. ALL THE MORE.. do they have a say in whatever plans you have or whatever choices or decisions you make. Wah.. really ah.. belum cari makan sudah nak cakap besar.What is this lah..come on present generation, i know we are better than that.

Of course, you can't fully and totally put the blame on the kids because some parents are just really too much lah..when the kids try, instead of encouraging, you put them down with sarcasm and hurtful words but haihs my friends, every family and trust me when i say this, every family have their own set of problems and issues okay..? and so, even though sometimes it may be the toughest thing to do, even though you know, i am damn right, RIGHT..and you know it! We humans will always have something called pride and ego. So just.. just let it go lah okay? and let someone bigger than us, God, deal with them okay? As long as they are on earth, they will always be your parents and you will always be their child and they will always have an authority over you and that is something you cannot change and something you should try to abide by k??

So whatever was shared yesterday really hit me and change my perception of a few things. I wont deny how i always have the " I have been so good! whyy?!!! " saying. So this hit me real hard. I also won't deny that deep down inside of me, i honestly do feel like my parents sometimes owe me this and that and that. But truth be told, They do not owe me anything at all. They dont have to do anything more than to feed me and keep me alive. So i guess all the love and smiles and cares that we get every now and then should be grasped, treasured, appreciated because it's like a bonussss~ hahaaa..yes friends, NEWSFLASH~~~~! so to all of you out there who have been constantly showered with gifts, constantly given a place to stay even though you have been such a pain in the ass and yet, they still pay few tens of thousands just to put you through college, go and give them a hug and a kiss now and start realizing how bless you are. Stop being such a brat and take all of these for granted okay. I'm sorry, was "brat" abit harsh? =P sometimes i just have to say it lah. it is no defamation when you are telling nothing, but the truth. So if you don't wanna be labelled as a brat,spoilt etc, then stop acting like one okay?

God didn't have to send his son to die on the cross for our sins, to take our place, to redeem and justify us by His blood, but he did anyway.

Our parents dont have to celebrate birthdays for us, bring us out for nice meals, buy you presents, drive you around, give you extra money for entertainment, but they did anyway.

enough said. =)
sorry if anyone was offended.
Sometimes honesty and the cold hard truth is the only way to get through to people.

Love love love.
xoxo.!

Hyper Street Dance Competition !

Hey y'all!

So yes. I have been very busy because of HSDC! soooo busy juggling practices and my studies plus personal responsibilities. Haven't been getting enough sleep and rest and even fell sick.. hahaha.. gosh. But it was all worth it. It always is. So after i taught Follow Me, dance, i told myself, "this will be your last commitment till after your exams!" YEAH RIGHT. hahahaha..not long after my dance teacher asked if i'd like to join HSDC. My brain went " HOR dont u dare say yes!" and my heart went " come on! what better way to start 2012 than to start it with your first dance competition of the year?! come onnnnn~! " And thus! i agreed! haha.. and told myself.. "No, seriously, this one, LAST. or else...... " yes, i talk to myself. dont give me that look, u prolly do it too! pfft! =P

And that is how i ended up being the crew leader of a newly formed crew, HyperActive Zone! =)

Coached by Celica ( Katoon Network )

Even though he was SO BUSY, he still dedicated whatever free time he had, to choreograph a routine for us and coach us.

I got to have a taste of the life of a full time dancer. The crazy odd hours, the screwed up meal times and sleeping hours. These are facts of the life of a full time dancer that people dont get to see. My teacher's lifestyle is so unhealthy lah. sometimes he dont sleep for 2 whole days with 30mins naps here and there. Its so bad for the body. *wow look whose talking about bad sleeping habits. genius right? ahahaha.. * SO ANYWAYS.

im serious, he was so busy because he had his own crew to commit to, he was sending not only us, but another 2 teams as well to this competition. They're from my dance studio as well.. 

He'd go for his performance, drop by the studio at night to teach the Kids team, then teach the duet team, and then finally our team. Lil bro and I even had to go to his house at like 12 midnight several times to learn the choreography from him. We danced outside his house, on the road. Yeps. He'd eat his lunch at 7pm. yes. LUNCH. 7pm. and then teach us all the way up till early early in the morning. 

Gayyyy much!

We also danced in the rain once. hahaa. that was crazy but memorable. All these times spent training was just really tiring and crazy but definitely memorable. I remember how i'd be so crazy tired the next day but with God's strength and help, i managed to pull through and juggle both studies and dance. =) I remember how i'd go to the library to study and do my notes for a few hours before dance prac at night.. crazy tiring. But look! i'm still here. =)

Celica, dear celica, You've inspired me and taught me so many things and valuable lessons that i will always keep close to my heart. Not only things regarding dance, but things regarding life as well. He's part of a crew that is  famous in Malaysia. Won battleground, TWICE! but yet, he stays still, so humble. Whenever we promote his name or give him credit etc, he'd say, " eh dont, i wanna keep a low profile. " Because of ur modesty, i admire and look up to you even more. =) 

He didn't need to choreograph for us. He could've just asked us to compete and to go, but no. He committed and dedicated himself. You can distinguish a dedicated teacher from one that is not and i tell you, He is definitely one dedicated teacher. He need not do all these. But he did it anyway. Why? he wants to see us grow. does that in anyway benefit him? maybe in some small ways, yes. But overall, it's all for us. 

And Celica, i'm pretty sure that each and every single one of us are very proud,blessed and honored to have a teacher like you. =) Ok ok i better stop talking about you before you fly and kembang. HAHAHAHAHA.

The Yappies! =)

Meet Eleven and Seven. Yes. Their real names are See Eleven and See Seven. No jokes!

and their sister? Rious. So her name is See Rious. :O!

haha u know, up till now, i still feel so weird when i ask questions like these.. " Seven! how is eleven? " *pause* wow.. that sounded so weird. hahahaa...

So we went there, didn't know what to expect. OH BEFORE THAT. omgosssssh. this is the first time in my life i didn't sleep for 27 hours lor! on the 17th, after public law class, i went home, fetched brother, and had dance prac from 10pm all the way up till 12 noon the next day! why? because that was the only time Celica was free. so we had to follow his crazy odd hours. So yeah we danced for 14 hours. of course we had rest here and there but we didn't sleep! Mmhmm.. crazzy? YES CRAZY. hahahaa that was probably my most tiring experience EVER in my dance history! 

So yes, we went there, and was shocked to see quite a few crews that we'd label, professionals. I didn't know they'd come and compete in such a small competition! hahaa.. maaaans. okay lah, maybe this competition was bigger than we had expected. So yes, we just went there, and decided, you know what? we're just gonna give it our best.

Edupark Plaza Dance Academy family! =)

Thank you Dennis for coming to support! =)

Vi vien :)

Kurisu ( FIX )

2 out of the 3 Judges on that day.

So in the end, we didn't get into top 3. But it's alright. We did our best. =) and most importantly, we gained valuable lessons that money cannot buy. Got to meet alot of professional dancers that day. managed to get feedbacks from all of them and became friends with them as well. =D

Bobby ( FMC )

Jackson Boogie J

Raymond

The guy who organized this competition. He's from Raydio Dance Studio.

Yuki and Ying.

HyperActive Duet~!

I had a really good time. This was a really good exposure and journey. =) Way to kick start my 2012? =)
You bet. ;)

Dearly Beloved shoes.. we've had a great journey of sweat,smellyness,hardcore training and dancing together. Part i wish we never had to, but this shall be our last competition and performance together. So long!
I know in the picture it looks fine but its not! hahaa. it's in terrible condition and it can no longer protect my feet = it no longer serves its purpose. =P

So anyways, Thank you Ban Ho, Jon, Seven and Eleven for ur effort and dedication to this crew and to this competition. Thank you for bearing with me and for encouraging me throughout this process. It has been a memorable journey. =))

Thank you Ms.Chen for opening your studio to us when we needed it for practise and when we got kicked out from my college's studio. =.=! Thank for your time and generosity! we appreciate it alot!

Thank you all my family and friends who prayed for us and who constantly supported and encouraged us! I appreciate it alot alot alot! =)

And to end this entry, If you have not already seen our Competition piece, let me introduce you to... *drumrolls* HYPERACTIVE ZONE!

=)

xoxo.!

It's funny...

 how i missed you more when you were near..

 than when you were far.

Ohh Friday! :))!

Sooooo.... I just drank 2 Ventis of Chocolate Cream Chip.

*Burrrrrrrrrrrrppppps~!*

taken from http://parallellies.blogspot.com 

Thank You Mr. Starbucks Supervisor!

You left me smiling from ear to ear up till now! 

=)))))))))))))))))

And The moon.. ohhh the MOON! 4 NIGHTS IN A ROW! of Beautiful beautiful full moons! 

Like, Seriously?!

 The cherry on top of the cake i tell you!

Ohhhh Happy Friday! 

*smilestilleyessupersmo!*

^.^

xoxo.!

Listen..

Listen listen listen listen listen.

God's DELAY 

is NOT 

God's DENIAL.

Therefore,

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. "
Psalm 27:14

xoxo.!

Theres something about today. =)

Still recovering from my high fever on saturday, it's amazing how i could still drive out to tapao dinner for myself and family on saturday night. Plus me being very weak due to lack of food intake, (i could hardly eat on saturday) my steering wheel was definitely not being very helpful. Yesh, my 17+ year old kancil's steering wheel requires loads of energy to steer. I always get laughed at by family and friends whenever i'm driving because me, being so small, i look like i'm using up all my energy just to park or to get out of a parking spot till they'd offer me help. " need me to help you turn the wheel? " Me: =.=..............

ANYWAYS.
Just went out for lunch with grandma and lil brother.
As i was driving, i was thinking.. " wah, u dont look at all like someone who is sick and recovering lorh! "
But what to do, grandma,lil bro and I still have to makan one way or another.
Anyways i really thank You all for all your prayers. I do not doubt the power of each prayer and I definitely do not doubt what my God is capable of. =) I never really liked visiting the doctors. Eversince i was young, i'd prefer healing without medication. Whats antibodies for eh? I remember how i used to get a higher fever when i took medications when i was much younger. It was then that i decided that i'd might as well let my antibodies do the fighting.

Prove to have worked thus far! ;)
Of course, its clearly not just me. =) But my daddy in heaven whose always looking after his lil girl.

I had a great encounter with my daddy in heaven yesterday.
And i can certainly tell you that I feel so much different today, compared to the months of stress, sadness, disappointment, hurt, anger, loneliness, anxiety, etc. You name it. It was there.

I'm at Peace. =)
And theres something about today that is just so different in my Life.
I feel different. I think differently. I just feel... changed.
I can no longer feel the mess inside of me that was slowly consuming me.
I feel loosened up. Now, i can let my hair down. =)
The challenges have not gone, the battles are yet to come,
But this Peace that God has given me?
Is something that words itself cannot express.
You'd have to experience it for yourself.
You have to first let go and let God.

Psalm 30 : 2-3, 5
"O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me."
"O Lord, you brought me up from the grave, you spared me from going down into the pit."
" For His anger lasts only a moment, But His favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. "

A change of season is about to take place. Just you wait, cykm. =)
 " Now learn a lesson from the fig tree. When its buds become tender and its leaves begin to sprout, you know without being told that summer is near. " - Matthew 24 : 32

xoxo.!

=)

Its so amazing how powerful prayer can be.
We just dont realize it. Or rather, we take it for granted.
some may say, coincidence. But some may choose to have faith and believe.

but whatever those signs were,
I'll wait on You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning.

I've always been wanting to share this part of a poem that my friend has written called " The Flower "
This paragraph really caught my attention and still does, every single time i re-read the poem. but u know what, i might as well share the whole poem. hahaa. here you go,

"The Flower" by Jarod Yong. =)
http://ahkamkoko.blogspot.com/

There is a flower particular as can be

Not a flower you’d commonly see

She beams just like the sunlight

She warms the world just right

There is also a busy bee

From work be so weary

She’ll look into his eyes

And she’ll tell him no lies

They danced in lovely weather

It’s short their time together

A moment to remember forever

Depart he wished he’d never

Though the busy bee must go

Oh how he’ll miss her so

In time they’ll meet again

In meadows and summer rain

Beautiful wasn't it?

My personal favourite? paragraph 3 and 4. =)

xoxo.!

Psalm 27:14

Ahh.. it all sunk in again today. =(
Haihs. =(

I've got so much on my mind. I've got so many feelings unexpressed.
I'm really trying to keep steady. This is Life man.
I really dont like being the sad face girl, all stressed and all.. and emo. *Bleh*
I get sick being emo. haha.

aiyohhh.  i'm really trying but i know all these, i cannot do if i do it alone. I need you God.
Please Lord, let things fall in place according to Your time.

Me worrying and feeling anxious wont do me any good.

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. "
Psalm 27:14

I will wait for you Lord.
For you are the author of time and in Your time, let Your will be done.
There's nothing else i can do. Nothing left for me to do but to wait for You.

Anyways, on a side note of my currently hectic life,
This song just kept on playing in my head over and over like a broken record today. Introducing to You, one of my top favourite songs eversince i was.. what? 8-9 yrs old? haha.


This song really touches my heart every single time i listen to it.

xoxo.!

Ps: Mindy i miss you so muchssss! =(

#WhyIsitSoHard?!

Sooo.. today i finally found out my current height..
GUESS WHAT?!
Im over weight. *headsdown* =( surprise surprise.
haha actually im not surprise, i kinda knew my weight was totally not meant for this height. ANYVAAAYS. i then semangatly told myself, TODAY, IT SHALL BEGIN! My diet begins!

*Reach home, still super semangat*
Post FB Status :
"Finally found out my current height. Maaaaaaans. And the diet begins."
*POST!*

Suddenly,

Grandma: Kahhh Maaaaaayyyy~! *shouts from downstairs* I didn't cook today. We go eat Pizza Hut for dinner ah! *my favourite*

Me: T_T................................... why isit so hard?!!!!!!!!! *puts feet down* No! cannot! i on diet! *resist*

Grandma: Then eat what...?
Benroy: *interrupts* OKOK WE GO EAT PIZZA! =D

Me: T_T.................. *waveswhiteflag* okay..................................... rawr.

AND THEN. when we came home, i found out that grandma secretly bought 4 packets of KITKATS for me! My favourite also! ahhhh... i know she loves me alot but whyisitsoharddddddddddddd?!

everytime like that one lorh! The minute i say something like "No more McDs for the whole month!" after class, "eh come, lets go eat Mcds." ....................... T_T!?!!

hahaha so cham weih. then i tried to console myself by saying.. "its ok its ok kahmay.. u cant always control what you eat but you can control the portion you eat." *patspats* xD

Anyways, its  already February.. this means only one thing!

No, not valentines.
EXAMS ARE DRAWING CLOSER. =S!
97 days left.. :O! *yes i counted. shh.! *

ahhhh i feel so out of time. *then stop blogging =.=.*
LOL. anyways anyways i must say this!

I was looking at the valentines day cards just the other day with my cousin and sister.. awwwwh~! one of the cards really made me go into super awwwwh mode!

Check this check this:

To My Wife :


" Your not only the woman of my dreams... 

You're the one who makes them come true.

Happy valentines day."

Awwwwwwwwwwh~!!!!!!!
Please dont copy this and change it to girlfriend ah.

This only applies to Wifeys!

i vill smack u.

=P

So short, but so sweet and genuine. not too cheesy, like the other ones i saw.

And ohh, I'm in Love. =)

And You never fail to melt my heart Ohhh Mindy. =)) <3

Such a poser you are!

Ohh Mindy.! <3

=)))

I've missed you so!

xoxo.!