Wowh.

This hit me real hard.

" When others affect the course of your life, you face a moment of decision. Though you cannot change the past, you can affect the future by your response to the wrong you suffered at their hands. You can feed the fire of bitterness, or you can hold your scars before God and ask for grace to forgive others for what they have done in the past. "

I chose to spend my 1st day of CNY at home.
To accompany my grandma.

Ahhh her Chai Siew Ngor is always the best every single year! that is one of the few things that I really look forward to every chinese new year! so yep. had a great vegetarian brunch! =) Although, she was watching her hokkien programs on astro, i just sat beside her and read a book. I guess, even though we're not talking and doing our own stuffs, I think my presence there means something to her.
from time to time she'd talk to me and ask me stuffs.. AND THEN..

it started raining heavily and Astro pun tak boleh tengok edy.
At that point, i was REALLY happy i chose to stay at home and accompany her. Imagine, first day of CNY, alone, and astro also tak boleh tengok. how weih.. she sure emo to the max lor..
Anyways, we started talking and talking and talking..and she shared with me bits and pieces of her past that was unknown to me. Then i realized how many scars of the past that still hurts her from time to time. Even though all these things have happened over i dunno? 50 years ago? Theres so much bitterness, anger, pain, disappointment, and sadness that is still piling up in her heart. After hearing all her stories, I really wanted to encourage her to let go of her past and to forgive and forget. Then again, even I myself sometimes find it difficult to let go of the past. What more my grandma who has been through so much? And she even admit that she's someone who'd keep it all in her heart and she'll never forget. And she is, she is like that. So i decided to just stay put, and be the listener. Made me think alot about my own life as well.. hmm..

That passage up there really hit me hard. Real hard.

On a side note, guess how i spent my rm200 book voucher?

RM150. gone just like that!

And i cant believe how expensive colour pens are! always wanted them but never bought em because i thought the prices were ridiculously expensive.

RM42. cant believe i spent that much on just colour pens.

Besides the price, really happy that i finally own a set of these! Hope they'd last me a reasonable length of time!

 RM50 more to go. =)
doubt i'd buy any story books. Prolly gonna spend it all on stationaries. Have I ever told you about my love for stationaries? =) Yesh. I really like stationaries. Maybe not as crazy as last time. while i was in primary school and secondary school, when my family and i pergi shopping in giant/tesco/carefour/jusco, i'd go straight to the stationary side and i could stay there for hours. =P hahaha.. Oih! Dont laugh at me k. its normal.. i think.         Man. i even told myself.. " when i grow up, i want to own my own stationary shop! " LOL. Who knows? i might still do that after i've had enough of all the law and yada yada. =D

Sissy and Bro in law and nephew and niece on their way!
Hope to have better days of the remaining hols!

xoxo.!


Lord, i do not deny the pain that I have experienced, but by your grace I give you those painful wounds, no matter how deep they are. I realize that I am powerless to fix the past or to change others, but I also understand that your love can heal me. I give you my scars, and I thank you for the peace and mercy and joy that will flourish within me in the absence of bitterness.