Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The Honest Truth.
The picture on the left describes exactly what i'm feeling right now..Probably even better than any words put together, could.
I'm pretty sure that most of you already know that i haven't been having the best 2 months of my life. It has been a struggle. It really has. And today, I was right at the edge, ready to fall.. ready to let go.. ready to surrender.
I am usually the strong one. The tough cookie! someone who everyone thinks, feels or believes that.. "Nahhh..Who u kidding?! You're Celine Yap! i'm sure you'll be just fine." Truth is, No matter how strong one can be, We can only take so much. In the end of the day, we're still humans. In the end of the day, we'll break at some point.
I've been under immense stress in all aspects of Life. You name it. Family, Friends, Studies, etc. And as much as I believe that God is the only one you can turn to without having to fear of being disappointed or let down, truth is, Humans need other humans. That is why God gave Adam, Eve. We're made to complement each other.
Honestly, sometimes when i'm in the library, reading up cases, the same question pops up from time to time. The very same question that bothered me ever since A-levels. " Why are you doing this? Why are you studying Law? Is this really what You want? " My first choice was definitely not Law. In fact, my choice was the complete opposite of Law! The Entertainment Field. Something I love, something i grew up around, something i've experienced. But for obvious reasons, I didn't quite have the choice to have such a choice. Hence, Law. My second option. I didn't like the idea of getting myself into a field where most of the people have the "Dont care" attitude unless it concerns their money or unless it hurts their pocket. Lets face it, The world today is such where the mention of words like Justice! carries less weight and meaning.
Why are you studying Law?
= Because i want to help others. I want justice. i want to fight for it.
Answer this, and the world laughs at you with their skeptical looks shouting " OH PUHLEAAASEE~ "
My question to the people who would respond in that manner is..
Seeing the Life of most people in the Law field really makes me sad and worried. They work round the clock and do what they do solely to increase the number of digits on their pay cheque. And what happens next, when your old and grey? In the end, it has always been JUST about money. To most people, that would be the ultimate goal and satisfaction. Though, i really wonder if it really IS satisfying at all in the end. I guess it is very subjective. But that is definitely a road i dont want to take. Definitely not a Life I would like to lead. And that is why, ever since i started my Law Degree, the only motivating factor? = It is a very good and useful degree.
Thats all. that all that was keeping me going. Really.
Untill I met Richard Wee. The chairperson of the National Young Lawyers Committee.
He gave a talk that gave me hope. It was very comforting to know that there are still a group of lawyers who are working, not solely because of money, but they try their best to help out people in need whenever they can. They're my inspiration really. It was very comforting to know that as skeptical as the world is about lawyers being people who want to fight for justice and to help people even if they dont have enough money,the fact that they DO exist? It really stirred up this Hope, this Energy, this Want, this Spur, to be just like them when i one day become a lawyer. To make a change. To BE the change.
I realize how many of us in this generation often feel like we are incapable of making any change. How we have the " Nahh I'm sure there is someone out there who would get the job done." My question to you is, What if everyone said the same thing?! Nothing will ever change then. No?
If you want to see a change, Make the change! BE the change!
Sometimes you feel like, Who am I? that I can possibly make such a change? I'm not high ranked, I'm only a student, I have not much influence, I dont have a special Title. Guess what?
I honestly believe that everyone is capable of doing just anything as long as they set their heart to do so.
You want something? Go for it. You have an Idea, a dream, a plan, you wish to do something? GO FOR IT. Dont let it pass you by. Dont let it just linger in your thoughts. OF COURSE, it is easier said than done. So many times i tell myself , "Wish i was there. wish i was competing like the other crews out there. Wish i was the actress i wanted to be when I was little. Wish i was at least acting somewhere in some Malaysia Actors Association yada yada " So many dreams I had, So many I let go, So many i let pass me by. We all have our own set of limitations. but i guess, If we really wanted something, We'd go out of the way just to get it. That's what I believe. Though, Sometimes, we must of course be practical.
I WILL, SEE AN AURORA WITH MY VERY OWN PAIR OF EYES IN THIS ONLY LIFE I HAVE ON EARTH. I WILL.
Just you wait for my pictures. =P
And Kimberley Ong, You will be with me in those pictures. =)
Also, during the past week, I dont know why, but it felt as if everyone who I opened up to seemed to be running away and disappearing from my Life at the time i need them most. Not all of them. Though, most of them. " How much harder/tougher can things get? " I guess theres nothing more saddening at such tough times than knowing/seeing the people who you opened up to leave you when you need them most. I felt so alone. So alone in all this mess. How low can one get?
Now, How am I suppose to open up to more people after this?
Its just too difficult.
Anyways, dont worry too much about me.
I'm a tough cookie remember?