Wednesday, June 18, 2014
So here I am, still alive and kicking after 3 years of pure torture from the University of London program. And hopefully, in August, when my results are out, i would be able to say that I've finally got my LLB hons. :D
It has been such a tough one year and boy have i realized a bunch of things about this program as i struggled by, barely alive. I was so motivated during my revision and exam period to put up VLOGS about "What To Expect" when signing up for the UOL program. hahaha. No idea where that motivation has gone, though.
ANYWAYS. We shall do that another time. But basically, my life for the past few months has been pure torture. I really felt as if my life was on hold, i wasn't living.. didn't feel like it. I would wake up everyday around 7am.. or earlier sometimes.. and started studying at my little study table until it was 12.30am. The only time i had breaks, was during lunch, and dinner. Barely had time for sleep..chat.. or anything else other than studying. Never ever imagined Celine Yap, leading such a Life. I always sought after a well balanced life and even managed to catch a tv series or two a day. But not this year. This year was different. This year was stressful, because all your hard work in the past 2 years boils down to what u reap this year. What i graduate with, depended on how well i did for my final year. And I really want to graduate with a 2:1. i really do. but there came a point, where i was just so mentally and physically exhausted that i didn't care anymore what results i reaped. All i wanted was to get through this program and be done with my degree life for good. It has been such a bumpy ride.. but i really Thank God for the people that he has set around me during this difficult time. The love and care that carried me back up whenever i felt like giving up.
U know, i felt so many emotions this time round, it seems almost impossible to list all of them down, here. It would be a never ending list. But the saddest part, was that at times, time was so precious that i had to force myself to suppress all my feelings and emotions just so that i dont waste such precious time crying or yada yada. It was so bad, i felt like a robot! But thats just what i had to do! there was no time for weeping or crying. Because time waits for no man. I even felt guilt every night going to sleep. The fear of going to sleep, because i knew that once i slept, it would be a day closer to my exams, or my next paper. It was pure mental torture, physically and emotionally as well.
Today marks a week since i've sat for my last paper.
And, i'm still trying to recover from lethargy.. from all the lack of sleep and all the backaches and sleepless nights. I've not had a proper good sleep in the past 6 months.. i've always had dreams..tiring ones..scary ones...weird ones..stressful ones.. i'm just longing and dying for a proper good nights rest. But yeah, it's been one crazy ride and all i can think about is about the people who walked me through this difficult and tough time.
My family was so supportive.
Grandma only cooked food that would be good for my health..and so, no fried or heaty food! They refrained from eating bak kut teh because of me! Because it was heaty food! haha. My dad, he allowed me to turn on the air conditioner the whole day,soemtimes,because of the crazy hot ass weather and because my room was always like some barbecue pit. Thank you for that Pa! I know how it must've made the electric bill looked. =/ My mom, well, she was being the loving mother she always is, nagging me about getting more sleep and all. Buying me snacks which i could only eat after exams. hahahaa. Her way of motivation maybe? My brother! Benroy.. he was so kind to take care of teddy and shower her even though it was my turn to shower her.
And then there's Dylan. Dylan Michael Chew Seng Yew.
The guy who stayed up with me into the late nights in the Library for months, accompanying me whilst i studied for my papers. The guy who had to deal with all my emotional turmoils every random second. The guy who drove me home from the many intensive night revision classes because i was too sick or exhausted to drive home. The guy who understood how stressful each subject was because he was simply there, every step of the way. He saw how i worked really hard, he saw how tough a subject was, he saw me have the most unproductive days sometimes. Sitting at the library from morning to night and had only accomplished so little. He was that shoulder i cried on, a few times whenever the stress overwhelmed me. He was a friend. A really good friend. He was that motivator, that person who meant it when he said " I'm here for you. " He was there, ever ready to drive all the way to my house or wherever i was just to give me a hug whenever i needed one. The guy who gave me random little surprises to cheer me up on a rainy day. He was that person who literally walked with me throughout this whole difficult process. So much so, he could feel the stress i was under as well! haha. So did benroy actually. Guess the stress was so great, it really affected the people around me as well.
And there were the ones who was that source of comfort and reminder every now and then, here and there. The ones who prayed and wished me well, the ones who gave me words of encouragement, the ones who shared their life stories with me to let me know that i wasn't alone, to let me know that they have felt whatever i was feeling and that i am not alone.
All these people, have played such a great role throughout this whole journey, that without them, i would've crumbled. Breakdown. and Gave up.And I couldn't feel more thankful, that God has watched over me and loved me so much to have blessed me with such amazing people..family and friends.. What would I have done without all of you? =')
God has been so faithful and merciful throughout these 3 tough years.
And boy am i glad to say that it is finally over!!!
I just want to Thank each and everyone one of you for being there for me in your own special ways. Just know how much i appreciate each and every act, be it big or small. It meant alot and it made a big difference. I couldn't feel more blessed. =))
I don't exactly have my summer planned out as i usually do, this year.
Goes to show how busy i've been this year. So busy living i didn't even have the time to 'pen' it down! But here i am! Haha. Ready to 'pen' them down ! Thus far, I have Sarawak in mind and maybe Singapore! =) But we'll just have to see where Life takes me! Loads to update u guys about, but this will have to do for now. Till next time! =)