It's the last month of the Year! *gasp!*

Hello world!

So yes, it's been a while since i've given you guys a proper update about my current life. But I guess i've been too busy living to type it all down.

So nothing much has changed since my previous post.
Life is still all hectic, with all the juggling between my working life, student life and well, being a daughter, grand daughter, sister, girl friend, friend and yeah, u get the idea.

ALTHOUGH!
A few good news to share!
So yes, i am officially a Law Graduate! Woooop!!
It was great having my entire family and best friend and boyfriend and friends with me on that special day! =) It was such a lovely celebration. Did you know that at the very last second, i decided in all sillyness to dance my way on stage to get my cert instead of walking like every other normal human being? hahahahahaha. Yesssssss. I totally did so.

Don't regret it though! Received my cert in styleeeee~~~ haha. And not to mention the amount of smiles and laughter that followed as a result of my little performance. =P

Besides that! I got my second Book Prize award for my LLB Degree! =D This time, I got the highest in the Law of Succession for my class of 2014 ! =D Got a first for that Sub! *yayyyyy* And to top that!

My marks appears to be the HIGHEST IN THE WORLD for the University of London Succession exams 2014 !!!!!!

woooooop!!! Statistics showed that in Zone A ( Exam candidates sitting in the UK) 0.00 % obtained an A for Succession. and in Zone B (Exam candidates sitting elsewhere in the World) 1.0 % obtained an A for Succession. And guess who is that 1% in the world????!

:DDDDDDD Oh manssssss. Never have i imagined being the top scorer in the WORLD. This is insaneeeee. And if my memory did not fail me, a part of my answer script was used as an example in the Examiner's Report !! How cool is that?!

Oh mansss. I used to think that all these students must be really brilliant to have been taken as examples for future students to learn from. And now i've had the opportunity of being used as an example for future students! This is so exciting really! =D

Manssss. Never saw myself as being a total Nerd. But i guess i really hit the Nerd-ish end during my final year. haha. no choice okay! It was the final lap after years of effort and hard work! Wasn't going to let it all go to waste! =P

So yes! So happy that i finally got to cross out a few more items on my wishlist column on the right hand side. =) Feel so blessed every single time i get to cross out a fulfilled wish. =))

And yes, I will become a full-time student when 2015 arrives! Will be ending my contract with my current Company in December. This part-time studying and part-time working has been pretty hectic and I guess my studies need my undivided attention once the new year begins! So yeah, i'm really looking forward to becoming a full-time student once again. My final year of my student life! or rather, final 7 months of my student life! Gonna give it all i've got and hopefully, move on to being a chambee with a law firm in September next year. =)

A whole lot of bad occurrences have been a part of my October and November as well. But I am choosing to talk only about the good things, this time.

till next time!

xoxo.!

What Does it mean to Live?

Today I was stuck in the dreadful KL morning traffic jam, struggling to keep my eyes open and then it occurred to me, “Surely there must be more to Life than this”. You wake up at 7am, get stuck in the jam for an hour and a half to get to your office job, leave work for home and get stuck in an even more terrible jam and finally voila! Your day is almost over, and the cycle repeats itself day after day.

How on earth, do people live their lives going through the same old routine for the next 30 years?!

Surely there must be more to Life than this.

I am currently studying and working a 9-5 office job. Sometimes, I feel so exhausted that I feel like I cannot go on another day, juggling everything like this. I was never really an office job, kind of person. Throughout my teenage years, i’ve always tried to avoid getting myself into an office job. I was always a hands-on person, a people person. Not a person who sits in an isolating cubicle where you sit the whole day, with your eyes glued to the laptop. I need to move around, meet people, interact and do something with meaning. Teaching seems like a lovely idea, at this very moment. But reality is often not too kind and we don’t always get to do what our hearts, desire. Not everyone gets the opportunity to do what we love, till the day we die. Why not? Well, i don’t know. Commitments to your family, maybe? Personal limitations?

But isn’t it just sad, that you spend 40 years of your life, doing something that you only do for the sake of surviving? I guess not everyone gets the luxury of Choice, huh? *thatsoundssodepressing* T_T

Surely there must be more to Life than this!

I have been blessed, very blessed indeed, to be able to experience such a “heavenly environment” (as some people say) for my first, proper, office job. There’s nothing wrong with the colleagues, the system, my boss, the CEO. Nothing! Nothing is wrong about this company. They’re all lovely and wonderful people. In fact, I think that being able to experience working with them has been such a pleasant one. Something not many people get to experience for their first office job, or in fact, maybe never. And so, I feel extremely thankful to be in the position that I currently am in.

But, *here comes the ‘but’* haha. But, i guess working in an office job is just not my cup of tea. It really isn’t. That leads me to my next, biggest worry. If an office job is not your cup of tea, how do you plan on working as a lawyer in the very, very near future? :O Sounds ridiculous, CYKM. Of course you’d have to work in an office job. In fact, your working hours would probably no longer be 9-5 and more like 8am-1am. Lol. T_T *here’s where i say “Can I just get married and not work or get married and do something that I am passionate about without worrying about money?”* =(

Sigh. Oh-Mid-Life Crisis.

So, what IS your cup of tea then?

Well, I like art. Making hand craft stuffs. I like planning events. I feel so happy and pleased whenever the event turns out as planned. I like interacting with people, meeting new people. I like dancing. I love kids. I love photography, editing pictures, lighting and all. I love designing and decorating rooms or places. & most of all, i love doing something that has meaning or a purpose behind it. (ie: not just solely to make a profit) ‘Meaning’ could be something as simple as making a kid happy, or making someone’s day. That’s what i like doing and what i want to do above all.

So, what does it mean to Live? To me, merely surviving and living are two totally different things. But many of us live our lives with the goal to survive. Yet again, many of us don’t have the luxury of simply living live, but we’re forced to make decisions and do things in order to survive. To me, to live is to do something worthwhile with my life. To do something that I like and am passionate about.

So why aren’t you doing that then? Why aren’t you Living?

Good question. Why aren’t I? Why am i following the pathway of a law student as though my Life is set to be in this framework and this framework only? Why not get out of that rigid view of how my life would or should plan out? Ever since  A-lvls, the next 6 years of my life had already been planned out.

-1 year and a Half of A-lvls
-3 years of Law School to get my LL.B
-1 year of CLP (God Willing)
-9 Months of Chambering
-Get called to the Bar (God Willing)
-Work in a Law Firm as a Practicing Lawyer

Why? Why must life be like this and like this only? Why do people follow the book of an unknown author just because “This is just how it’s supposed to be.”?

Why do people follow the saying that “Ohh, all these chivalry will only last in the first few years of your relationship. Don’t expect any of this after marriage, especially”. Sounds true, doesn’t it? But that does not necessarily mean that Your relationship WILL turn out like that just because its the norm. Why can’t you strive to be different? To be out and away from the norm? Why do we walk along this busy straight path as though we are all robots and we do not have a choice as to when we should turn right and leave the pathway, I call “ The Norm “? Our lives are free! And we were given a choice as to how to live it! So why should we lead our lives along the lines of a framework set by the world? We are individuals, are we not? And I strongly believe that every single one of us, we’re different and unique in our own special ways. So why should we live our lives with the mindset that “Okay, so this is how it started, this is what is going to happen next, and this is how I will end up.”

SAYS WHO? Says the world? Well build your own world! Because the world will build it too small!

But, i guess, then again, it is always easier said than done. We can never run away from the cold, harsh reality of needing enough money to survive.

#Money over Meaning.

*BIG Sigh*

I have no conclusion or solution as to what any of you, facing my exact same problem should do. In fact, i’m still trying to figure it all out, pondering and wondering. Where do I go from here? Only time will tell. 

xoxo.!

Hello World!

I know, that i have been the worst blog owner in the history of time. But here i am! After two months! Stress Free *although not completely* but at least, exam stress free! Final Year took up a whole lot of me mentally,emotionally and physically. It has probably been one of the toughest academic year in my entire Life.

So here I am, still alive and kicking after 3 years of pure torture from the University of London program. And hopefully, in August, when my results are out, i would be able to say that I've finally got my LLB hons. :D

It has been such a tough one year and boy have i realized a bunch of things about this program as i struggled by, barely alive. I was so motivated during my revision and exam period to put up VLOGS about "What To Expect" when signing up for the UOL program. hahaha. No idea where that motivation has gone, though.

ANYWAYS. We shall do that another time. But basically, my life for the past few months has been pure torture. I really felt as if my life was on hold, i wasn't living.. didn't feel like it. I would wake up everyday around 7am.. or earlier sometimes.. and started studying at my little study table until it was 12.30am. The only time i had breaks, was during lunch, and dinner. Barely had time for sleep..chat.. or anything else other than studying. Never ever imagined Celine Yap, leading such a Life. I always sought after a well balanced life and even managed to catch a tv series or two a day. But not this year. This year was different. This year was stressful, because all your hard work in the past 2 years boils down to what u reap this year. What i graduate with, depended on how well i did for my final year. And I really want to graduate with a 2:1. i really do. but there came a point, where i was just so mentally and physically exhausted that i didn't care anymore what results i reaped. All i wanted was to get through this program and be done with my degree life for good. It has been such a bumpy ride.. but i really Thank God for the people that he has set around me during this difficult time. The love and care that carried me back up whenever i felt like giving up.

U know, i felt so  many emotions this time round, it seems almost impossible to list all of them down, here. It would be a never ending list. But the saddest part, was that at times, time was so precious that i had to force myself to suppress all my feelings and emotions just so that i dont waste such precious time crying or yada yada. It was so bad, i felt like a robot! But thats just what i had to do! there was no time for weeping or crying. Because time waits for no man. I even felt guilt every night going to sleep. The fear of going to sleep, because i knew that once i slept, it would be a day closer to my exams, or my next paper. It was pure mental torture, physically and emotionally as well.

Today marks a week since i've sat for my last paper.
And, i'm still trying to recover from lethargy.. from all the lack of sleep and all the backaches and sleepless nights. I've not had a proper good sleep in the past 6 months.. i've always had dreams..tiring ones..scary ones...weird ones..stressful ones.. i'm just longing and dying for a proper good nights rest. But yeah, it's been one crazy ride and all i can think about is about the people who walked me through this difficult and tough time.

My family was so supportive.
Grandma only cooked food that would be good for my health..and so, no fried or heaty food! They refrained from eating bak kut teh because of me! Because it was heaty food! haha. My dad, he allowed me to turn on the air conditioner the whole day,soemtimes,because of the crazy hot ass weather and because my room was always like some barbecue pit. Thank you for that Pa! I know how it must've made the electric bill looked. =/ My mom, well, she was being the loving mother she always is, nagging me about getting more sleep and all. Buying me snacks which i could only eat after exams. hahahaa. Her way of motivation maybe? My brother! Benroy.. he was so kind to take care of teddy and shower her even though it was my turn to shower her.

And then there's Dylan. Dylan Michael Chew Seng Yew.
The guy who stayed up with me into the late nights in the Library for months, accompanying me whilst i studied for my papers. The guy who had to deal with all my emotional turmoils every random second. The guy who drove me home from the many intensive night revision classes because i was too sick or exhausted to drive home. The guy who understood how stressful each subject was because he was simply there, every step of the way. He saw how i worked really hard, he saw how tough a subject was, he saw me have the most unproductive days sometimes. Sitting at the library from morning to night and had only accomplished so little. He was that shoulder i cried on, a few times whenever the stress overwhelmed me. He was a friend. A really good friend. He was that motivator, that person who meant it when he said " I'm here for you. " He was there, ever ready to drive all the way to my house or wherever i was just to give me a hug whenever i needed one. The guy who gave me random little surprises to cheer me up on a rainy day. He was that person who literally walked with me throughout this whole difficult process. So much so, he could feel the stress i was under as well! haha. So did benroy actually. Guess the stress was so great, it really affected the people around me as well.

And there were the ones who was that source of comfort and reminder every now and then, here and there. The ones who prayed and wished me well, the ones who gave me words of encouragement, the ones who shared their life stories with me to let me know that i wasn't alone, to let me know that they have felt whatever i was feeling and that i am not alone.

All these people, have played such a great role throughout this whole journey, that without them, i would've crumbled. Breakdown. and Gave up.And I couldn't feel more thankful, that God has watched over me and loved me so much to have blessed me with such amazing people..family and friends.. What would I have done without all of you? =')

God has been so faithful and merciful throughout these 3 tough years.
And boy am i glad to say that it is finally over!!!

I just want to Thank each and everyone one of you for being there for me in your own special ways. Just know how much i appreciate each and every act, be it big or small. It meant alot and it made a big difference. I couldn't feel more blessed. =))

I don't exactly have my summer planned out as i usually do, this year.
Goes to show how busy i've been this year. So busy living i didn't even have the time to 'pen' it down! But here i am! Haha. Ready to 'pen' them down ! Thus far, I have Sarawak in mind and maybe Singapore! =) But we'll just have to see where Life takes me! Loads to update u guys about, but this will have to do for now. Till next time! =)

xoxo.!

Disappointment.

How do we keep ourselves away from disappointment? Could we avoid it? Dodge it? Is it even possible?

One might think that locking up ourselves and isolating ourselves from the world would do. As long as I'm no where near nobody, I would be safe. Safe from any hurt. Safe from any possibilities of disappointment.

But then if u think about it, one can also be disappointed without even having the need for another person to do anything at all! And that's just it. You're disappointed because someone had omitted themselves from doing something u wish they would have. Like caring.. Making up for their wrongs.. And etc.

So how do we escape disappointment in life? Or is it just inevitable?

If you're hoping for some conclusion and solution at the end of this post, I might have just disappointed you, because I don't. ( ohh the ironyyyy. ) but yeah. I too am puzzled.. Walking through this maze.. Finding a way out but I just can't seem to see the light at the end of any tunnel at this point in time.

I had experienced so much disappointment in a row.. In just a day.. And I am struggling to find my route to recovery.

Where do I go from here?.

How has it Been?

Hey world.

So, how has it been?
It's been rather difficult for me to move away from the person that i once was. From me not being able to NOT care. But i've been making an effort and it has been going alright so far.. i think..

Been meeting up with a few close friends and been feeling the immense stress of my final year under the UOL.

4 months till my first paper.

So after yesterday, i have decided to stop planning any meet ups for now.
*heh, as if tht can happen*
But i will try tho..

So yes, really soon, the commencement of my "Isolation from the World period" will take place. To be honest, i am far from ready to enter this whole time of the year all over again. =((( But i guess, time waits for no man and time is something that i cannot afford. SO, yes, will start being a completely lifeless nerd real real soon.. But in the meanwhile, i have left, a photoshoot and video shoot with my crew to look forward to and one last performance for a youth event this coming February. After tht, completely no dance till after the 10th of June. The day i finish and am done with Law School! :DD!!!

So yeah, besides tht, i've been doing alright i guess.
Been falling sick. Coz of the busy schedule and the hot hot weather.
But i've been making a real and proper effort at sleeping early and waking up early.
Been trying to spend my time more wisely and be more productive.. in studies, health, etc.

Let's just hope this would last and bear good fruit! =)

xoxo.!

An End to a New Beginning.

I have always tried to keep up with the big pool of friends that I have scattered all around. It's not easy trying to do so especially since I have the schedule of some big shot business man. No, I kid. But seriously, I'm a busy bee. A very busy one to the point of having no time for sleep!

Sleep! One of the most vital elements for a human being to function properly. 

I try and try so hard to juggle everything with my two hands to the point of being worn out, almost completely at times. 

Why do I do this to myself? 

I rather meet up with people and try to squeeze them into my busy schedule despite not having enough time for my own self. Sometimes, I set aside time with studies, dance or family or even God! To spend time with these people or at least, to keep up with them. 

Best part? Some of them never made an effort! It has always been a one way thing but yet! Because they are dear to me, I journey on, on this lonely one way street. 

But why?! Why do you do this to yourself cykm? 

Simply because, I choose to believe that they'll come through, one day. But sometimes, that day never comes, and I, being a normal human being, gets tired. Guess what happens when I stop making the initiative?

That's right. We drift apart. And sometimes, this inevitably makes me feel bad. And when I feel bad, this makes me feel obliged to approach them and to repeat this never ending cycle all over again.

Last year, sometime around December, something hit me really badly. Because I've never been more busy and I guess, time was never a luxury that I could afford. Hence, after being hurt and disappointed really badly, I've decided to just Stop. This. For. Good. 

And what better way than to start the year afresh and to start now? 

Hence, I have decided, that I will no longer spend.. Wait. Scratch that. Waste time, on people who don't deserve it, and start spending MORE time on the ones who do. I no longer want to feel bad and obliged. If we drift apart, so be it. It was never meant to be a one man conquest anyways. Even if I DO feel bad, I will refuse! to act on it. Because I guess it will take time discarding a part of me that has been as such for years. But no more. 

As I grow older, my time becomes more and more limited and I guess, enough is enough. 

I am going to start spending more time on the people who deserve it. 

I will stop! Neglecting myself. I will try my utmost best to take better care of myself. *especially since I'm known for being the worst at self care* 

And I will build stronger and healthier relationships that doesn't require me to forego what matters JUST because its a one way thing. 

It is not going to be easy for me to allow myself to see these friendships and relationships fall and crumble after many years of time and effort especially since, I am one who treasures them a lot. But I guess, sometimes, you've jst got to do what you've got to do. 

Xoxo.!