Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Scarred.

Unlike many, I don't merely get bruised.
Each time, I risk getting scarred.

And this.. Is the very reason why I am so cautious in deciding who would be worth that risk.
And yet..

No, U were.. worth that risk.
But i guess, that risk was just taken at the wrong time..
And now.. Here I am. And here we are.

Not many would understand why it's taking me this long.
But I guess, it is called a scar for a reason..
And it breaks my heart to see what we've become.

Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
=((

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Just realized how..
                             I am..

                                           
                                         Still very much Broken.


                                                                                                     ='(      It hurts.

Hi world.

Hi, world.

Today has been a pretty emotional day.
Today felt quite crappy.
Today i wasn't feeling well physically and emotionally.

Today was one of those days where I didn't feel like getting up from bed.
Today was a lazy day too.

Today was unproductive.
And Today was the day the number went down to 52.

Today was the day that didn't feel right.

But Today was also the day I got a very special gift.
Something that I will cherish for a long time.
Today was a bad day. But today was still yet another day i got to hug and kiss my mum. Talk to dad. Talk to bro. Breathe.. even though with difficulty.. and the day i still received love,care and gifts.

Today is not the end of the world, or so I hope.
But nevertheless, it was still an extra day to experience Life.

xoxo.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

65 Days.

How am I feeling?

= Very Stressed out.

Revisions have begun and it has been a really tough few weeks for me.. with so much going on at the same time.. i've stopped dance.. not forever tho. Gonna be away from my dancing life till the 31st of May. The date of my last paper.

Many times..many days.. days where i felt like breaking down.. When the stress overwhelmed me.. When i had unproductive days.. When i let myself slack.. when i let myself waste precious time on nonsensical stuffs. Okay, maybe not nonsensical, but stuffs that i shouldn't be wasting my time with when exams are so near.. when i barely have time to cover everything.. when i'm short of days.. U get the picture.

Revisions have been pretty crazy. I have 7 hours classes on the weekends. Sats and Sundays.
And classes on the weekdays too.. and whenever i don't have class.. i'll try to be at the library..or if not, somewhere else...studying. Yes, My Life..at the moment.. = Pretty Lifeless.

No no wait. VERY lifeless.
Guess u can't complain about what u signed urself up for.
But seriously, Sometimes.. i really just.. its just... so stressful! it's frustrating when the words alone don't exactly portray what you're actually feeling.

lemme try again...

I FEEL SO STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay maybe that'll have to do.
Nono, i'm not losing my mind. Just ranting. Relax.. people.
Anyways.. i've been feeling pretty disoriented.. and out of place these pass few days..
So much so.. i find myself looking at pictures from the pass.. just to help me find that happy place again. To find a happy place that i could hold on to.. in the midst of all these mixed emotions. Went all the way back to 2009. Not too far i knw.. but u can imagine the amount of pictures 2013 - 2009 summed up to! Especially when it's me, i'm dealing with.. the crazy photo taking person. =P

But anyways. Seriously, when i said isolation from the world period? Well, that is now.
All i do.. is study.. go to uni.. and church. Uni..and Church...
And of course home...

You'd be glad to know tht i've been having proper sleeping times now..
Like, i'd get REALLY tired and sleepy.. by the time it's 11pm..or 12am..
SHOCKING! i know.. this is good. =)
it's a good change and i'm hoping it'll stay.
And i wake up early.. so yeah..can't sleep too long u see.. when u barely have enough time on your hands. Gosh.. I sound so nerdyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Nyeh.

Today was one of my disoriented days.
Didn't feel quite myself today. =(
And i felt really out of place. Sighs.
This feeling isn't very nice.

But anyways, with regards to studies.. it's difficult.. but i'm still holding up..for now.
I'm just really trying my best to keep to my timetable.. Yes... i had to make a timetable..
Be prepared tho.. to see more stress rants from me. =/

Ahhhhhhhhhh i can do thisssssssssssssssssssss.

Anyways, i should prolly list down the things that made me happy this week.
Who knows, might help me feel better. ;)

1. got rm300 for free. :D so bought tonnes of new story books and stationaries. Also, got the 2 journals that i've been eye-ing since last year. :D woop woop~!

2. ate 10 IKEA meatballs for only rm2 !

3. Mended a broken friendship.

4. Talked to a friend who really made me Happy.

5. I learnt how to play 'Hey Ho' on my mandolin.

--------------------------------------------

Till next time!

xoxo.